1. “Why are you always doing that? Who are you?”

2. “Do you have a hall pass?”

3. “Did you know your steering wheel is on the wrong side?”

4. “Did you hear about the free oil change?”

5. “I’m lonely. Will you be my friend?”

6. “Thank GOD you’re here. I’ll show you where the backed-up toilet is.”

7. “I told you not to come back here.”

8. “My sister puts out. You got a break coming up?”

9. “The trees talk to me.”

10. “You realize that one of these times there will be a snake in there.”

11. “Am I supposed to tip you?”

12. “Why do you keep leaving me? What am I doing wrong?”

13. “Can I borrow a cup of sugar?”

14. “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.”

15. “I’m double-jointed!”

16. “Do you think Mama Cass really choked on that sandwich?”

17. “You won’t believe what we have in the backyard.”

18. “Are you my daddy?”

19. “Do you taste like chicken?”

20. “Aren’t you a little old to be selling Girl Scout cookies?”

21. “Why is everybody always trying to find Jesus? What did he do?”

22. “What have you done with my fan mail? Why are you hiding it from me?”

23. “If you’re here to sell us a vacuum cleaner, Mom said you can go to hell. And she needs another beer.”

(Originally posted in “The Sound and the Fury” on 11/13/10.)