Humor

Past Imperfect – #204

SR 1204

Colleen: “I don’t mean to be rude, but who the hell are you and why are you in my dressing room?”

Virginia: “Thank you for asking. Well, I just happened to be walking by your penthouse, because I don’t have anything more important to do, and I could sense that your spine is out of whack due to sitting on that really shoddy bench that doesn’t offer any actual lumbar support.”

Colleen: “My bench? But I got this at Bergdorf-Goodman. It’s very high-end, and everyone is clamoring to own one. I have three, because I make more money than I know what to do with.”

Virginia: “It’s a piece of crap. But if you’d like, I can massage your vertebrae until they are once again aligned with the planets.”

Colleen: “I don’t even know that to say to that. Wait, yes I do. Leave.”

Virginia: “But you don’t understand. I have been fully trained by the Order of Spine Spinsters. I can do amazing things with my fingers.”

Colleen: “I’m sure your fingers are capable of something. I just don’t want to find out what that is.”

Virginia: “You will regret not taking advantage of my skills.”

Colleen: “No, what I regret is that I don’t have better security. Depart at once, or I will be forced to bludgeon you with one of the 146 bottles of nail polish on my vanity. And that could prove tedious, as it will take a lot of whacks from a two-ounce bottle to make you submissive.”

Virginia: “Fine, I’ll go. But can I ask one last question?”

Colleen: “If you will vanish into the night right after that, yes.”

Virginia: “If I spin the wheel on your mirror, will I get into the Showcase Showdown?”

 

6 replies »

  1. That bench is so fancy, why wouldn’t they take the time to add lumbar support!?!
    Wait a second, is Colleen really Bob Barker in drag? Did you cut out the part where she/he recommends getting our pets spayed and neutered?

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are SO on the mark. Yes, it’s really Bob. And if Virginia (who is really Pat Sajak) had actually spun the wheel, it would have landed on a pie slice asking people to donate to the SPCA. But the stagehands forgot to hook up the power to the wheel, so we had to make the ending of the movie different from the book, just like most Hollywood movies… 😉

      Like

  2. now that bench was made that way for one purpose. so the actress could sit, place her hands on it firmly, then lean back and/or slouch enough that it pushed her shoulders up to give her that “squared off” look. but anyhoo – I’m still anticipating greater things … someone once breathed something about a dusty blogger site ……. (and thank you for not going into just what Virginia’s finger’s could do …..)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I always try to keep the finger discussion at an acceptable level of propriety. As for the dusty blogger site, well, access to that URL has to be earned. (Cue evil laughter.) Actually, you could probably find it with just a few clicks on Google…

      Liked by 1 person

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