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A child, tween, teen and sometimes adult guide to Moms.

Does your mom confuse you sometimes?

Does it seem like she’s on your business all the time?

Do you feel you need some serious skills on how to handle her?

Maybe you’ll like to know the art of making her see your point of view?

Should the answer be yes then I suggest reading the following guide with great care and attention.

If your goal is to make your mom say”yes”to everything then you need to acquire five essential skills.

Disclaimer: should you fail to acquire these skills, we take no responsibility of consequences you might face with the one person who will stand by you throughout your natural life (should she live that long by the grace of almighty, ia).*smiling*

Understand, if mom says,”No”there’s always a good reason behind it, getting her to be a “yes to everything”person will be difficult .

Left to your own devices, she knows what trouble you might get into, think of her as your own Oracle to the future, for reasons unknown, when she gave birth to you, her sixth sense were triggered as well. That moment when she catches you on a lie or she tells you exactly what’s going to happen next, is what I’m talking about.

Your wellbeing is a key part of her existence, she will set limits, she will have chores for you, she will hold you accountable for you misdeeds, she will make you a part of the family even when you don’t feel like being a part of it. she will make you do things you might not like or find pointless.

why?

Because she loves you.

Still want to learn those sneaky skills? o.k then, let’s start with the basics.

Skill No1- the art of lying,

If you’re going to lie to the one who gave birth to you, be a master at it, be so brilliant that she won’t catch you on your lies. make her believe you, but keep in mind she’d been on this earth longer than you, she’s done her bit of lying too, so she knows the type and form a lie can take.

What you need to learn is how to control everything, the fidgeting, the facial expressions, the way you look at her, the tiny details of the lie, the words you’ll use when she’s right in front of you giving the stare, your anger and denial when questioned is a dead give away of your guilt, If there are accomplices involved make no mistake, she will check up on them and their stories, all bets are off where her kids are concerned. for her there is no expiration date on a lie, you need to be constantly on your guard. think you can do that?

Good.

let’s move on to consequences then, oh.. and she’s aware of the term,”lie by omission”as well.

Consequences should she catch you on a lie, be ready to pay so dearly that you’ll do the palm on forehead a million times asking yourself why you lied in the first place.

And if you’re over 18, she knows but prefers to keep her silence, she believes you’re old enough to handle your own problems besides when everything and everyone fail you, she’ll be waiting.

And if you’ve read the above a hundred times and suddenly realise lying is not for you then we have a solution, simply tell the truth.

lying is hard, it will make you miserable, you’ll have a different story every time you tell it, you have to remember the tiny details of the lie, you’ll forget but she won’t.

However the truth stays the same no matter how many times you say it. Truth is always beautiful and it replaces chaos with peace.

It’s not going to be the end of your world if you come clean. Didn’t we mention earlier that your mom’s been here longer than you? don’t you think she knows we all lie at one time or the other? and never ever forget, she loves you.

Finally if you’re still asking the question,”but why is it important to tell the truth all the time?,”why wouldn’t she let it go without making a big fuss about it?”

Because every type of deception and falsehood has a beginning and that’s with a simple innocent lie.

To be continued…..No2-The art of negotiating.

Recipe time

What you will need

5-6 Curry leaves

1 large onion sliced

2-3 pods of Garlic sliced

1 large Tomato sliced

1/2 a teaspoon Turmeric Powder

1 teaspoon Mustard seeds

1/2 a teaspoon Chilli flecks

4-5 tablespoons of oil

Salt to taste

100g Carrots cut to desired size

100g Beans sliced to desired length

2 Large Potatoes cut in to cubes

Handful of Spring onions sliced (optional)

1 and 1/2 Cup of thick Coconut milk ( 1 cup if you prefer less gravy)

Method

In a pan, using medium heat, sauté the Curry leaves, sliced Onions, Garlic, Tomatoes, Turmeric in oil (Make sure you begin with Curry leaves and let it sauté a minute before adding all other ingredients).

When it turns translucent add the Chilli flecks and Mustard, sauté until golden brown.

Include the vegetables into the pan with the caramalised onions and cook for a few minutes then pour the Coconut milk.

Once the coconut milk reduces to half. You can add the spring onions, add Salt to taste and cook until Vegetables are tender,on medium fire.

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Until next time,

with affection,

Jehan.