Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #269

SR 1269

Bertram: “I really don’t care for this coffee table.”

Beatrice: “Oh, really? You just don’t understand modern design, something you might have a better grasp of if you were weren’t constantly grasping a bottle of bourbon. That table is lovely.  It was created by an artist in Paris who only opens his shop every other Thursday. It’s a one of a kind!”

Bertram: “Thank God there’s only one of them. I keep expecting a gypsy woman to come in and tell my fortune. And it looks like a clown just melted into the floor.”

Beatrice: “You’re such a stick, Bertie. You know I only select the best pieces.  And we’re on the Home Tour every year. Those horrid women on the selection committee don’t let just anybody be on the tour. I have to stay current, even if it means spending ten months of the year shopping in foreign countries and I rarely actually live in this house.”

Bertram: “We’re on the Home Tour because we have a ton of money and people want to see how we live. It doesn’t mean that you know what you’re doing. What the hell are those dancing things on top of the book shelves?”

Beatrice: “Those are rare relics from the Mayan culture. I had to get several museum people fired just so they would quit pestering me about trying to sneak things out of El Salvador.”

Bertram: “That’s considered Mayan art? No wonder those people aren’t around anymore.”

Beatrice: “Fine. I don’t have to listen to this. I’m going into another wing of the house and look at brochures for Tibetan fertility statues created by monks who have never actually had sex. I understand that’s the next big thing, according to House Pretentious magazine.”

Bertram: “Before you go…”

Beatrice: “What, you want to psychologically badger me about the Natchez print on the sofa?”

Bertram: “No, not that. Could you help me up from this chair? I haven’t been out of it since last Tuesday, and the fear of the impending fortune teller is starting to wear me down…”


4 replies »

    • Whoops, I somehow missed this comment until now, please forgive. I’m glad you look forward to them! I really have a great time writing these things, and it’s fun to just let my mind go crazy for a little bit… 😉


  1. Bertrand and Beatrice sound very familiar, oh wait, that’s what happens when funnymam and I go shopping . Now we just part at the doorways doing our own thing and meet up at the exit.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL! Yep, this is very familiar to my own relationship as well. We’ve learned that, at the first sign of impending squabble, it’s best to just pursue our individual life dreams for a bit and then get back together over dinner… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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