Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #277

SR 1277

Jimmy: “I’m sorry, what did you just ask?”

Maggie: “Where is your Husband Department?”

Jimmy: “Are you trying to find the Men’s clothing section?”

Maggie: “No, Husband. I need a new one.”

Jimmy: “May I inquire as to what’s wrong with the old one?”

Maggie: “He’s just not working out for me.”

Jimmy: “I’m sorry to hear that. But we don’t sell husbands. I don’t think anyone does. Well, not anymore.”

Maggie: “Yes, you do. I bought my last one here.”

Jimmy: “Excuse me?”

Maggie: “Well, I actually bought a toaster, but the clerk followed me out of the store and we chatted and we decided to go have coffee and then we got married. I just assumed he was a parting gift from your company for doing business here.”

Jimmy: “That’s a very remarkable story.”

Maggie: “It is, isn’t it? And so was he. At first. But then he started making a lot of noise that I didn’t care for and he wouldn’t work half the time and finally I just shoved him in the closet and I don’t use him anymore.”

Jimmy: “Are we talking about a husband or a vacuum cleaner?”

Maggie: “Well, there’s not a lot of difference, now that you mention it, but yes, a husband. My husband. That I don’t want anymore. It’s time for him to go. And I could use the closet space. Although I will say it’s been rather fun wearing his clothes for a lark. Doesn’t this cute little hat look fetching on me?”

Jimmy: “I’m at a loss for words.”

Maggie: “So was he, when I shoved him in the closet. And he’s been pretty quiet ever since.”

Jimmy: “Is he still in there?”

Maggie: “Of course he is. I don’t need him anymore. That’s why I’m here. To get a new one. I thought we had discussed this. Now, I’ve brought some specifications with me concerning the exact model that will most likely please me. I’ve learned a few things since the incident with the toaster. Do you have some inventory that I can review or will this need to be a special order?”

Jimmy: “Oh, it’s certainly a special order. In fact, it’s so special that I’ll need to check with my superiors to see just how we should handle this situation.  Would you mind if I excuse myself to make a phone call?”

Maggie: “I don’t mind at all. I’ll be just over here, looking at this fine selection of leather gloves. Oh, and by the way…”

Jimmy: “Yes?”

Maggie: “What time do you get off work? Would you like to meet for coffee?”


(Originally posted in Crusty Pie.)


4 replies »

  1. I suddenly remembered alfred hitchcock, this dialogue would have been perfect in one of his movies. As for the husband buying, how many likes from the ladies?☺I’m keeping mine.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ohhhh, that gives me an idea: I might have to do an Alfred Hitchcock parody at some point. 😉 As for the husband-buying angle, it WOULD be nice if you could place a special order and get exactly what you want, but then again, you miss out on the fun of learning, by trial and error, that what you thought you wanted isn’t what you wanted at all… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • It does sound a bit racy, but I’m sure it would be one of the less-offensive utterances overheard at Beaver Valley. And Ms. Sullavan does look rather fetching in her hat, so we might need her in our entourage just for fashion tips. And she has that innocent face that will prove helpful when we need her to convince the staff that they need to up our meds. My face does not say “you can trust me”. Mine says “I will eventually disappoint you in some way”… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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