Edmund: “Here we go, love. Smile for the cameraman.”

Millie: “I’m so excited to be going on our honeymoon!”

Edmund: “Me as well. We finally get to consummate our relationship, my poodle.”

Millie: “Well, about that. It won’t be happening.”

Edmund: “But we’ve just gotten married, precious. We can do all sorts of interesting things. I now have legal access to your privy chamber.”

Millie: “No, not actually. The priest said some very fine words, and I quite relished the part about sharing our lives together, especially when it comes to your money, but he never said a word about you getting to do anything with your stick. Either one of them.”

Edmund: “But this is absurd, my kumquat. It’s what married people do, the slap and tickle. And what’s this about my money?”

Millie: “Our money, darling. Half of it is mine now.”

Edmund: “That’s absurd. You can’t take my money, petunia.”

Millie: “Pre-nups haven’t been invented yet, my pet. And you have some seriously crappy lawyers. I did my research. Do you really think that we just happened to run into one another in that speakeasy on 34^th street?”

Edmund: “But that was the best night of my life!”

Millie: “Mine too, for different reasons. Momma told me there would be days like that, I just had to pay attention.”

Edmund: “So there’s no chance we can be together as one? Ever?”

Millie: “Do you see that bit of luggage behind me?”

Edmund: “Of course. You’ve always had it with you, I just assumed that you would tell me about it one day.”

Millie: “Precisely, that’s what’s happening now. It contains my chastity belt. And it goes on promptly every evening. Lock-down, solitary confinement, no visitors allowed. No parking in the white zone. Do we understand each other now?”

Edmund: “I’ve got to fire my lawyers.”

Millie: “I already have.”