Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #285

SR 1285

Edmund: “Here we go, love. Smile for the cameraman.”

Millie: “I’m so excited to be going on our honeymoon!”

Edmund: “Me as well. We finally get to consummate our relationship, my poodle.”

Millie: “Well, about that. It won’t be happening.”

Edmund: “But we’ve just gotten married, precious. We can do all sorts of interesting things. I now have legal access to your privy chamber.”

Millie: “No, not actually. The priest said some very fine words, and I quite relished the part about sharing our lives together, especially when it comes to your money, but he never said a word about you getting to do anything with your stick. Either one of them.”

Edmund: “But this is absurd, my kumquat. It’s what married people do, the slap and tickle. And what’s this about my money?”

Millie: “Our money, darling. Half of it is mine now.”

Edmund: “That’s absurd. You can’t take my money, petunia.”

Millie: “Pre-nups haven’t been invented yet, my pet. And you have some seriously crappy lawyers. I did my research. Do you really think that we just happened to run into one another in that speakeasy on 34th street?”

Edmund: “But that was the best night of my life!”

Millie: “Mine too, for different reasons. Momma told me there would be days like that, I just had to pay attention.”

Edmund: “So there’s no chance we can be together as one? Ever?”

Millie: “Do you see that bit of luggage behind me?”

Edmund: “Of course. You’ve always had it with you, I just assumed that you would tell me about it one day.”

Millie: “Precisely, that’s what’s happening now. It contains my chastity belt. And it goes on promptly every evening. Lock-down, solitary confinement, no visitors allowed. No parking in the white zone. Do we understand each other now?”

Edmund: “I’ve got to fire my lawyers.”

Millie: “I already have.”


2 replies »

    • Well, he SHOULD have mentioned it, but he didn’t, and then all hell broke loose with the sudden appearance of a Yeti who bore a striking resemblance to Princess Beulah of Upper Gruntlina, a country that no longer exists because no one adequately prepared for Yeti appearances. History is often decided by improper planning…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.