Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #297

SR 1297

Joan: “Oh, my lover, you excite me so.”

Cliff: “Really? That’s news to me. I’ve seen stronger signs of life at a mortuary.”

Joan: “Oh, silly, this is such a romantic setting. How could I not be in the mood?”

Cliff: “Romantic? This is a fake park bench on a fake set with two stupid fake trees looking like they want to be anywhere but here. I know the feeling.”

Joan: “But I’m clutching a branch from one of the fake trees to show my devotion.”

Cliff: “Devotion? Based on the limpness of your grasp, somebody needs to call a priest.”

Joan: “Fine. I’ll dispense with the professionalism, something you youngsters don’t know about. My hand is limp because your love-making is less interesting than cleaning the lint out of the dryer trap.”

Cliff: “My love-making? It’s a two-way street, sister. You need to let go of some of your rules. I can’t smear your lipstick, I can’t smudge your foundation, I can’t wrinkle your dress, and I have to wrench my back by leaning over this stupid bench, and I can only kiss your ear.  Lovers don’t have rules, Morticia.”

Joan: “Lovers have rules when one of them has won an Oscar and the other hasn’t yet.”

Director: “And, cut! Good scene everybody, very believable. Let’s prep for the next shot. Be careful with those fake trees. Something tells me we’re going to need them a lot for the rest of the movie.”

Joan: “This means you can take your hands off of me, Second Billing.”

Cliff: “I’d love to. But the weight of your ego has caused my arm to go numb.”


5 replies »

  1. Whereby she then hit him with a wire hanger and uttered the immortal line, (which I’m about to misquote) “There’s a name for you men, but it isn’t used in high society…outside of a kennel.” End misquote.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sadly, Joan was so anemic from having taken diet pills in order to somehow bridge the age-difference gap between the two stars that the wire hanger merely love-tapped Cliff’s head, causing no bloodshed, and her oratory was gaspy and came out sounding like “…name…outside…kennel”. To which Cliff promptly replied “I christen it Poochville” and then he walked off the set…

      Liked by 1 person

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