Kent: “My darling, you seem troubled.”
Mae: “Well, I suppose there’s something I should tell you, but I don’t think you’ll like it.”
Kent: “You know I love you eternally. There’s nothing you can say that will make me unhappy.”
Mae: “It’s just that… well, you were away so long with that war thing, and I got lonely, and… things happened.”
Kent: “Whatever does that mean, my sunshine?”
Mae: “It means that your sunshine cast her rays on another man.”
Kent: “I don’t understand. Did you do something with a flashlight?”
Mae: “Well, that’s one way to put it.”
Kent: “So you helped someone find their way home?”
Mae: “That’s another way to put it. But I’m not sure if you’re following me.”
Kent: “Are you going somewhere?”
Mae: “No, I’ve already been there. I need you to listen to me. It’s a wretched tale, but it must be told. I was at the barn dance, on the refreshment committee, and I was serving punch. And being that near the punch bowl all night, I perhaps sampled more than I should have. So when this swarthy gentleman walked into the room, with biceps that made me tingle, I was perhaps a bit too enthusiastic about my attention to his arms. And his swarthiness. And the fact that you were overseas.”
Kent: “Always thinking of me, aren’t you, my pet.”
Mae: “Well, not always. He asked me to join him back at his hotel. And I agreed.”
Kent: “Is this where the flashlight comes in? Was he the one you helped home?”
Mae: “Oh, I did more than help. Before I knew it, I was doing something with his flashlight, very similar to what you are doing now with your hand.”
Kent: “My hand? Oh, you mean this pumping action? That’s just a reflex memory from shoving powder into the artillery guns. I sometimes find myself doing this in the middle of the night.”
Mae: “I found myself doing it as well. And a few other things. Then the gun went off. And now… now, I’m with child.”
Kent: “You adopted children? Whatever for?”
Mae: “No, I’m going to have a child. Because I was intoxicated by punch and biceps and a bad decision.”
Kent: “Are you saying that you’re pregnant? How can that be? I’ve been overseas for two years.”
Mae, stunned at the imbecility and no longer interested in softening the blow: “How in the world are you able to dress yourself in the morning?”
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
Hahahaha!!
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Is it any wonder that Mae decided to share her sunshine? 😉
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Or get from point “A” to point “C” without being hit by a very large bus!?!
Scary thing about this is that I have and still deal with people of this caliber!
One of my earlier posts talks about it. SMH.
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Our cup runneth over when it comes to the buzzing gnats of idiocy…
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Good one brian.😀
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Thanks, Jehan!
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Great talent weaving a story around that face and the hand – which I didn’t notice till after the story!
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Thanks, Lindy! Leave it to me to find a minor detail and pump it all out of proportion… 😉
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Oh Kent. If he had at least one brain cell, he’d be a very dangerous man.
Guffawed my way through this, but that last line made me have to change my Tena Lady Maxi.
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On the flip side, Kent could probably provide some satisfyingly disposable entertainment on a lonely Saturday night, a carnal tryst that we immediately lie about the next morning when the neighbor lady mentions hearing odd noises coming from your slumber chamber at 3am. “It was just a plumbing issue, love, no worries, now scurry back to your Cottage O’ Cats and carry on with your life of deprivation…”
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I’m not sure poor Kent would know what a carnal tryst is, nevermind what it entails. Oh the fun to be had with such a naive soul.
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Exactly. Sometimes you just need a partner with only a minimalist grasp of primal urges and not much beyond that. It’s not always necessary to discuss Proust…
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Haha! I knew there was a reason I loved you.
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LOL!!! I did not notice the hand at all, until it was mentioned in the story…brilliant!
😀
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Good stories always come from paying attention to the tiniest details. Or from a lack of proper medication… 😉
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LOL – you got that right!
XD
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He does look quite the dill.
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LOL! I don’t think I’ve ever heard that phrase before, but I definitely think I’m going to be using it… 😉
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Just another sprinkling of Aussie slang—use it with gay abandon. 🙂
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Marching gaily forth to do so… 😉
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You really do need to spell it out for some of them.
You are delightful.
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I don’t know that I’ve ever been called “delightful”. I think I like it… 😉
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