Lady in the Center: “Why, yes, I am wearing a dress fashioned out of a 13^th-century French tapestry, thank you for noticing. This particular tapestry was found in an abandoned royal castle, where apparently Queen Veronique the Something or Other was stabbed to death whilst hiding behind it. Why she didn’t just run away with all the other fleeing servants, I have no idea, but her loss is my gain. Pity that I couldn’t get the stains out, though.”

Lady on the Right: “And my frock is actually a reengineering of the Shroud of Turin.  I had to pay a pretty penny for it, but rich people in this country don’t have to worry about taxes, and we have lots of cash just lying around, so why not use some of it to desecrate religious icons? I feel completely resurrected when I wear this.”

Lady on the Left: “Won’t somebody help me, please? I’ve been stuck in this sand since high tide…”