Director: “It’s really not necessary for you to lift your arms like that in this scene.” Lupe: “You don’t understand. I can’t help it. They’ve put so much mascara on me that every time I blink my eyes the shock waves bouncing back from the floor are creating […]
Norma Shearer was a very talented actress, and everybody loved her. Well, everybody except for the bird that smacked into the back of her head during this photo shoot…
Melissa truly did love her husband, and she found him rather enticing most of the time. But when his hobby fixations became overwhelming, such as this instance when he insisted that she pose on a vehicle that may or may not have been driven by John Dillinger, in […]
Adele and I chanced upon one another over on Niume, a collaborative blogging platform. (We’re in the midst of a heated but friendly personal competition to dominate one of the writing groups, but that’s a story for another time and place, best discussed over cocktails.) One of the […]
Dear Dr. Brian, Why am I living in the only country in the world that sees fit to drive their cars on the left instead of the right side of the road. What this means is that I have to pay attention while driving and I don’t like […]
Evelyn: “What on earth are you doing in my apartment? And why are you holding my diaphragm case?” Inspector: “Is that what this is? I thought maybe you were collecting those little Jewish hats. But since we’re on the subject, why is this case encrusted with rhinestones?” Evelyn: […]
Becky: “I sure as hell ain’t goin’ up there.” Tom: “But Huck said that all the answers we ever wanted are at the top of those stairs.” Becky: “Huck is a twit. That’s what he gets for runnin’ around barefoot all the time. The stupid just sucks up […]
Greta: “Wait, are you telling me you want me to die in another movie?” Agent: “But you die so beautifully. It is artistry.” Greta: “So that’s what my fans want? Pretty death?” Agent: “Yes. It’s trending on Twitter.”
Man with Stupid Hat: “Look, you need to give me the information or I will be forced to do unsavory things with this bullwhip.” Pola: “I have already told you that I will never reveal the secrets that I’m pretending that I don’t have. I am prepared to […]
Mary Pickford: “What do you mean this doesn’t look realistic?” Douglas Fairbanks: “We’re supposed to be looking like the typical American family so the people in Kansas will go see our movies. How does any of this say any of that?” Mary: “Well, we’re in a boat. People […]
Bonnywood Manor 
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