Alice: “Sister Girl, what the hell are you doing?”

Marceline: “I’m singing a song about the joys of being a woman in America.”

Alice: “Then why do you sound like the milk truck just ran over the cat?”

Marceline: “Well, I’m trying to be uplifting, but let’s face it. It’s no great shakes being a woman right now. We have hardly any rights at all.”

Alice: “Well, we did finally get the right to vote.”

Marceline: “150 years after the men did. And only because we got fed up and started marching in the streets. And we stopped having sex with the oppressors.”

Alice: “Oh. I may not have gotten the memo on the second part.”

Marceline: “Of course you didn’t, with your legs in the air all the time. Your libido is obviously more important than your legality.”

Alice: “Well, I didn’t understand two of the words you just used, but I think you’re being rude to me.”

Marceline: “Oh, please. I’m not the one you need to worry about. It’s the rich, white men who are keeping us down. Something fundamental has got to change.”

Alice: “But at least we have the movement now, with women standing up for their rights. Surely things will change.”

Marceline: “Well, in your case, you seem to be lying down for your rights. But yes, the movement is strong. As long as justice prevails, women should have equality within the next few decades.”

Alice: “Wait, this strange little robot on the other side of me seems to be saying something.”

Marceline: “Are you wanting to sleep with him, too?”

Alice: “No, he’s too short. But there’s a button on his head that is flashing.”

Marceline: “Well, then, push it. You’ve never had a problem touching body parts on other people.”

Alice pushes.

Robot: “I come from the future to warn you that equality in this country will still not be resolved by the year 2016.”

Marceline: “And why is that, Future Man?”

Robot: “Because incredibly stupid people will find each other via the invention of the Internet, gain strength in numbers as they all listen to talk-radio whack-jobs spout conspiracy theories that are not reality-based in any way, and then try to destroy society with their profound ineptitude and ignorance.”

Alice: “That doesn’t sound very festive.”

Marceline: “Is there anything that we can do?”

Robot: “Make sure that Ronald Reagan never gets into national politics. That’s when the first nuts start falling from the trees.”