Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #363

SR 1363

Dick: “Now, now, my pet. There’s no reason to be so blue.”

Ruby: “But you don’t understand. I really wanted to get that part. I practiced and practiced for at least fifteen minutes!”

Dick: “Well, sometimes things just don’t work out. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. But if you’ll allow me to offer a bit of advice…”

Ruby: “Now you sound like that horrid woman at the free clinic on Houston Street. She was so mean about my sexual history.”

Dick: “Oh. I didn’t realize that you had been to such a place, or that you actually have a sexual history. I thought I was the first man to… cultivate your garden.”

Ruby: “You were the first. At least that night. I may have misled you about the details.”

Dick: “I see. Well, I suppose I can discuss this with my therapist in the morning, but until then my focus is on you, now that you’ve been cast aside by the casting director. Maybe next time we shouldn’t wear the short-shorts that advertise your apparently well-tended garden?”

Ruby: “But I have lovely legs. Why shouldn’t I show them off?”

Dick: “But you were auditioning for the part of a woman in a wheelchair. Did you really think it was wise to do the splits during your monologue?”

Ruby: “Well, you might have a point. And it probably didn’t help that I had the URL for my website printed on my panties. That might have been taken in the wrong way.”

Dick: “Precisely. Sometimes subtlety is the better path. Speaking of which, could I also suggest that you might want to rethink having your entourage of friends hover backstage whilst wearing outfits that make it look like they are waiting for Andrew Lloyd Webber to compose the music for ‘Cats’?”

 

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