Paulette: “Oh my, I really didn’t expect reporters to show up at my house at this hour. To what do I owe this…pleasure?”

Reporter #1: “Is it true that a satanic cult meets in your basement?”

Paulette: “What on earth are you talking about? Reporters won’t ask absurd questions like that until Fox News is invented in the 90s.”

Reporter #2: “You’re wearing a hoodie. Everyone knows, or at least the Republicans do, that this means you are up to no good and that armed citizens can now shoot you for delusional reasons.”

Paulette: “How preposterous. I was simply out for a jog, and then when I returned home, I got a bit chilled. So I slipped on this coat to warm me up.”

Reporter #3: “So you’re wearing fur? Do you realize how many animals had to die just so you could look glamorous and-“

Reporter #4, whispering: “Geraldo, wrong angle. The Koch Brothers are fine with killing for sport and denigrating other cultures. Don’t risk your paycheck by going off script.”

Reporter #3: “Is it true that you’re a Muslim?”

Reporter #4: “There you go.”

Paulette: “I think it’s time for you lovely folks to find another story, one that might actually have a factual basis.”

Reporter #5: “So you’re denying the accusations that we made up about you?”

Paulette: “In a word, yes.”

Reporter #6: “But the Citizens United ruling by the Supreme Court allows Big Money to destroy everyone who stands in their way. We have every right to subvert democracy in America.”

Paulette: “For now. Let’s hold that thought until the 2016 elections, shall we?”

Door slams.