Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #319

SR 1319

On the set of Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte…

Joan Crawford: “Bob, we really need to talk.”

Robert Aldrich: “What is it now, Joan? Was the caviar on the craft services table not stellar enough?”

Joan: “Very funny. No, you need to talk to the people who are doing my hair. They aren’t listening to me.”

Robert: “It looks alright. Is it not big enough for you?”

Joan: “It’s too big. That wretch Bette Davis tried to shove a bottle of gin up in there.”

Robert: “Ah, so you bring up Bette once again. Isn’t that the real issue? Bette?”

Joan: “Of course not. We are both professionals, or at least I am, and I’m having a swell time working with that horrid woman.”

Robert: “Such a swell time that you’ve called in sick almost every day this week?”

Joan: “Bob, that has nothing to do with Bette.  I just have lingering medical issues from the last time that you directed Bette and me in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

Robert: “And is one of those issues jealousy?”

Joan: “How absurd! I would never jeopardize this production over something so crass as holding a grudge over what that bit-”

Robert: “Oh, look, Olivia de Havilland has just driven up. If you’ll excuse me for a minute.”

Joan: “Olivia? She’s not in this movie…”

Robert: “She is now.”


15 replies »

  1. HAH!!! Love the dialogue! It’s funny how starlets couldn’t stand each other back then, when most still had actual acting chops!

    Joan hated Bette…and, Bette hated Jayne Mansfield, as Bette lost the battle for the notable body-builder Mickey Hargitay’s affections. Mickey and Jayne’s romance resulted in the birth of one Mariska Hargitay, who is most well-known as Olivia Benson on ‘Law & Order: S.V.U.’!

    Liked by 1 person

      • I hesitated before I answered your first comment, thinking “something doesn’t feel right but I don’t want to look like a dolt because I’m really not sure”. You saved me in the midst of my mental decay by forthrightly taking responsibility for your own words, something that most Republican candidates would never consider doing. 😉 As for the bitter actress-rivalries of the Golden Age, I think they’re fascinating, with the creative ways they would slander each other whilst still appearing polite…

        Liked by 1 person

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