Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #13

SR 1013

During the opening night of “Chernobyl: The Musical!”, a conversation took place…

Jan, far left: “I had no idea what I was getting into when I joined this chorus line. I mean, a girl’s gotta make a living and all that, but this is ridiculous. How can anybody be taking this seriously? Please help me. I’m begging you.”

Marty, middle left: “Jan, you got it all wrong. This is the perfect place to meet guys. All those hunks out in the audience are getting a preview of our Chanel Number 5, if you get my drift. We’re bound to score.”

Rizzo, middle right: “Score? Honey, this is Broadway. Most of those hunks are just waiting for us to get the hell out of here so they can bring on the male dancers. And we’re wearing gas masks while doing leg kicks. The two straight guys in the audience are not thinking about Chanel Number 5 right now.”

Frenchy, far right: “Hey, somebody stole the bow off my shoe! My life is spiraling out of control. I can’t believe I dropped out of beauty school for this. I should never have listened to Frankie Avalon, but I was dazzled by the all-white set and my wig was too tight.”

Danny, off stage: “I got chills, they’re multiplyin’… and this production is losing control.”

Sandy, likewise: “Tell me about it, stud.”

Producer: “Well, I’m thinking we won’t have reserved seats at the Tony Awards.”

Audience member: “Where’s the part where the guys come out?”

Usher: “If one more person shows up late and then bitches because we have to use a flashlight to find his seat, I’m gonna go full-tilt Leona Helmsley on his ass.”

Ticket-taker: “I think I left the iron on. Hmm.”

Bartender: “I love Broadway. People will pay twenty bucks for a watered-down screwdriver. Of course, that explains why America has the highest healthcare costs in the entire galaxy.”

Cab driver out front: “My spidey sense tells me this musical is going ass-up in one night. I’d better double my fares while I can.”

Critic for the New York Times: “I can’t believe I dropped out of beauty school for this mess. God help us all.”

God: “Don’t look at me. I did the best that I could. By the way, where do I go to get my parking ticket validated?”


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