10 Reasons Why

20 Signs When You Were Little That Meant Mom Was None Too Happy With You Right Now

me-and-dawn-2

1. She used your middle name when screaming from another room that you needed to report to her immediately.

2. Dead silence on her end of the line when you called her at work for the twenty-seventh time in one afternoon.

3. Proclaiming at dinner that you don’t really care for liver and onions, and your plate is suddenly whisked away from in front of you.

4. You arrive at your house two seconds after the designated time to stop playing dodge ball with the neighborhood kids, and you see that the porch light has been turned off.

5. Anything that requires Mom to consult with Grandma about the appropriate punishment.

6. Getting off the bus after school and realizing that she was already home from work.

7. Those moments when you stupidly said something like “everybody else’s Mom is buying them a G.I. Joe!”

8. You walk into your bedroom and discover that your favorite toy is missing, replaced by a mop bucket and a sponge.

9. Any conversation that she starts with “I was talking to your teacher today…”

10. She slams on the brakes for no apparent reason while you and your sister are arguing with each other in the backseat of the car.

11. You threaten to call and report the horrible injustices you are suffering within this family and she hands you the phone.

12. You are squirming around in the pew at church, all fussy and bored, resulting in the accidental dislodging of the hymnal from its proper resting place, and the resounding boom of book meeting floor interrupts the pastor’s sermon on proper child-rearing.

13. You encounter Mom sitting at the kitchen table with the next-door neighbor, the old one who never drops by just to chat or have a cocktail.

14. She walks into the den and is fully aware that you have been jumping on the couch again even though you stopped doing that ten minutes ago when one of the important springs made an anguished noise.

15. The dreaded words “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you…”

16. The fake smile she gives the floor manager at the department store after he informs her that you were caught running in between the clothing racks and knocking things over.

17. The lack of the phrase “just wait until your father gets home” when she confronts you with another ill-advised activity, thus negating the cool-down period before retribution…

18. Hearing the trash truck drive by the house without stopping, meaning the trash you were supposed to carry out there did not quite make the journey, despite multiple memos from the home office urging you to make sure such a thing happened.

19. You fail to fully appreciate the socks and underwear that were graciously wrapped and placed under the Christmas tree just for you, and she quietly marches over to the really big package that you haven’t opened yet and tears your name tag off of it.

20. That look she would give you when she was having to remind herself how very much she loved you….

 

(Originally published in “The Sound and the Fury” on 05/13/12, revised and updated with extra flair for this post.)

 

35 replies »

  1. When your mother calls your full name including middle name, that’s when you start making your own funeral arrangements.
    Number 11 made me laugh because that’s where the Spawn and I are at.
    Btw, I could so tell that that was you in the picture. Just look at the intensity on that face.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I thought I was being so clever with my field research in #11. I rode the city bus to the library and found out everything I could about “Child Protective Services”. Turns out Mom knew more and had no qualms. And yes, that’s the intense face that I’ve always had, came out of the womb looking like that… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Mum’s have an unnatural super power-like ability to pour disdain and derision on a child’s apparent concern by appearing nonplussed. It’s quite a skill.
        I would have found your intense look quite a draw and would have secretly crushed on you. I’d probably stalk you too, nothing to awkward. Just waiting for you outside the boy’s toilets, round the corner from your home, outside every stomping ground that you ever visited etc. Then find out information about date of birth, favourite things, family’s details, which bedroom was yours. And in all that time, I wouldn’t speak to you once. Just quietly observe…okay, beginning to see why people thought I was weird now…

        Liked by 1 person

        • We apparently had the same Secret Stalkers Handbook when we were younger, as I intensely conducted many of these same activities during my questionable stealth pursuits. But I may have had the Deluxe Edition, with all the extra appendices, as I additionally engaged in missions that went above and beyond your list, a few of them firmly crossing the legality threshold. I can’t share the details just yet because, well, we have not yet exceeded the statute of limitations. But someday, I will reveal all. Probably the next time I get stuck coming up with a new blog idea and I’ve had a few cocktails… 😉

          Liked by 1 person

    • Now that I think about it, there were often times when we couldn’t find Mom. I just assumed that she was avoiding us, but it’s possible that she had another entire family out there. Hmm… 😉

      Like

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