Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #383

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Louise: “Why are you looking at me like that? Did you skip your medication again?”

Fritz: “I’m just surprised. I never noticed that tattoo before.”

Louise: “Tattoo? I don’t have a tattoo. You must be confusing me with one of your other mistresses. You have so many of them, I’m sure there are days when you can’t quite tell us apart. I don’t know why you don’t just convert to Mormonism and call it good.”

Fritz: “No, I’m pretty sure it’s your tattoo, since you’re the only mistress in the room right now. I never double-book unless I’ve had a really good day on Wall Street or Congress passes another bill that lets me continue to not pay taxes.”

Louise: “Wait a minute. What exactly does the tattoo say?”

Fritz: “Well, some of it is a bit smudged, probably because you spend so much time in a horizontal position, but I believe I can make out the words ‘Use or freeze by 09/03/27’. Are you expired in some way?”

Louise: “Oh. Well, it’s entirely possible. I seem to remember my mother babbling about not buying the cow when you can get the milk for free. I just assumed it was another one of her insipid barnyard Bible stories and I continued to ignore her bovine advice, as any decent teenager should do. But now that I ponder the matter, there might be an issue with curdling.”

Fritz: “That doesn’t sound very attractive.”

Louise: “Perhaps you should pry your eyes away from my FDA warning label and look at yourself in this mirror. Then we can talk.”

 

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