Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #440


Gisela: “Oh, that looks like the perfect house to flip so we can make a ton of money by simply ripping out all the interior walls and making it an open floor plan.”

Boyd: “I don’t know. Maybe we shouldn’t mess with this one. I did some research and apparently there was a lot of cross-dressing and homicide going on up in there back in the day.”

Gisela: “Oh, please. Nobody cares about history. That’s why there are so many potential home buyers who pretend that they love historic architecture but all they really want is to gut the place and make it look like something it was never meant to be. Don’t you watch the HGTV channel?”

Boyd: “I do watch it. I also watch the Paranormal Channel and, nine times out of ten, murder houses continue to be murder houses no matter how much subway tile you use during the flip.”

Gisela: “You’re just weak. You need to stop worrying about the right thing to do and take advantage of people who base their lives on what’s trending on Twitter. It’s the American way.”

Boyd: “Wait a minute. Who the hell is standing in that window? I thought this place was vacant.”

Gisela: “Oh, that’s just Mother. She’s really sweet. In fact, she wants to meet you.”

Boyd: “Meet me? I don’t want to meet anybody who lives in a house that’s supposed to be empty. That’s got wrong written all over it.”

Gisela: “Don’t be such a wimp. Come on, let’s run up there. It’ll be fun. Oh, but first you’ll need to sign the guest book in the little motel office to the right.”

Boyd: “Guest book? Motel office? Why do I have so many questions in this conversation? I’ve got a bad vibe here and I think we should just-”

Gisela: “Sign the book, Boyd. Sign it!”


23 replies »

  1. Sounds like Gisela just might have an extra insurance policy on Boyd. You know I love the Bates house. I think it would look perfect on a hill somewhere in Maine or Oregon overlooking the coast. Of course, minus the murders and the fruit cellar. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • It is a rather splendid-looking house, so I certainly wouldn’t mind if someone felt compelled to give me one just like it. And Maine or Oregon would be a perfect location, although I’ve never been to either state and I’m really just saying that to be a supportive and thoughtful friend. As for the fruit cellar? No. Not going down there… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s just Norman, dressing like his mama! LOL When I was looking for houses in Charleston, I came across this antebellum mansion that just took my breath away. Magnolia trees all over and a widows’ walk on the top of the house. It had a grand staircase in the main hall and I could just picture my touch bringing it back to its former splendor!
    While walking the grounds, I noticed a small Spanish-style house next door that looked completely out of place. The grounds were overgrown and a for sale sign was in the front yard. I was thinking “visitor house.”
    I asked the real estate person about it. She said “this is the only house in Charleston that we HAVE to say is haunted. Apparently, a real bad dude lives there.” So much for that house. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    • We definitely have something in common with this angle. I love stumbling across older homes and imagining what I could do with them. (And a widow’s walk is one of the very things that make me gasp with desire, seriously. There’s just something so touching about the concept behind them.) Now, this Charleston house, I would certainly have to pause when considering the nearby haunted hacienda, but I don’t know if it would stop me. Charleston reminds me a lot of New Orleans, and I would happily move to either city if the stars aligned just right…


      • It certainly made me pause, not for myself but for my middle daughter, who would have never come to visit if she knew. And I have to tell you that the little house was EERIE…but…I wanted to go see it. The real estate person said “absolutely not.” Nobody would show it and that was another reason it never sold.
        I have been to New Orleans…and let the haters begin their attacks….I would never go back. (Of course, it could have something to do with the way Loser treated me….)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Gisela is the illegitimate, first born daughter of Norma Bates, who has returned to flip the family business and continue where her half-brother Norman left off!
    RUN BOYD… and don’t look back!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • And honestly, it thrills me how you seem to be having a good time reading my admittedly off-kilter pieces. Some folks get me, others folks understandably do not. It’s always nice to meet someone where there is mutual respect and a lovely sense of a shared humor…

      Liked by 1 person

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