1. Thank you for choosing to fly with us today.
2. You know, it’s proper etiquette that you knock before you just barge in here.
3. What are your thoughts on public nudity?
4. Did you know that serial killers really like to push buttons that light up?
5. I don’t understand why it’s never the right floor when the doors open.
6. Because I’m free. Free as I’ll ever be.
7. Will you be my Facebook friend?
8. I couldn’t help but noticing that both of your shoes are the same color.
9. I sure hope the oxygen masks work this time.
10. If you stop on every floor, you get a candy bar.
11. We go together, like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong. We sure do.
12. I would have taken the stairs, but Jesus told me I shouldn’t. Not today.
14. Would you like the rest of my bagel?
15. If the elevator falls, and you jump at just the right time, you won’t get hurt.
16. I don’t understand the difference between rice pudding and tapioca pudding.
17. Did you know that 4 out of 5 dentists recommended my gum?
18. Well, at least the mother ship can’t track me in here.
19. Would you mind if I interviewed you for my website?
20. In certain Asian cultures, it’s traditional to exchange parting gifts.
21. This is the only part of the day when I’m not allowed to drink.
22. I finally found out what a disco stick is. If you pay me five bucks, I’ll tell you.
23. I bet I could lay down on this floor and touch all four walls.
24. You never know where you’re gonna get a rash.
25. I hope they don’t lose my luggage again.
26. Why would anyone be proud of being a walrus?
27. It’s okay if you don’t want to say anything and just stare at the floor. I’ll understand. I’m just as embarrassed about what happened that day at the Piggly Wiggly as you are.
28. Did you notice that there’s not a #13 on this list?
29. I’m so glad we had this time together. Just to have a laugh, or sing a song. Even though you don’t seem to be laughing. Or singing. But still, ear tug.
30. If you concentrate really hard, you can feel the building moving instead of us. They don’t want you to know that part.
31. I’m still trying to figure out where I’m supposed to put my money.
(Originally published in “The Sound and the Fury” on 08/10/12 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 10/11/13, minimally revised and updated with extra flair for this post.)
Categories: 10 Reasons Why