10 Reasons Why

30 Fun Things to Say to a Complete Stranger on an Elevator

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1. Thank you for choosing to fly with us today.

2. You know, it’s proper etiquette that you knock before you just barge in here.

3. What are your thoughts on public nudity?

4. Did you know that serial killers really like to push buttons that light up?

5. I don’t understand why it’s never the right floor when the doors open.

6. Because I’m free. Free as I’ll ever be.

7. Will you be my Facebook friend?

8. I couldn’t help but noticing that both of your shoes are the same color.

9. I sure hope the oxygen masks work this time.

10. If you stop on every floor, you get a candy bar.

11. We go together, like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong. We sure do.

12. I would have taken the stairs, but Jesus told me I shouldn’t. Not today.

14. Would you like the rest of my bagel?

15. If the elevator falls, and you jump at just the right time, you won’t get hurt.

16. I don’t understand the difference between rice pudding and tapioca pudding.

17. Did you know that 4 out of 5 dentists recommended my gum?

18. Well, at least the mother ship can’t track me in here.

19. Would you mind if I interviewed you for my website?

20. In certain Asian cultures, it’s traditional to exchange parting gifts.

21. This is the only part of the day when I’m not allowed to drink.

22. I finally found out what a disco stick is. If you pay me five bucks, I’ll tell you.

23. I bet I could lay down on this floor and touch all four walls.

24. You never know where you’re gonna get a rash.

25. I hope they don’t lose my luggage again.

26. Why would anyone be proud of being a walrus?

27. It’s okay if you don’t want to say anything and just stare at the floor. I’ll understand. I’m just as embarrassed about what happened that day at the Piggly Wiggly as you are.

28. Did you notice that there’s not a #13 on this list?

29. I’m so glad we had this time together. Just to have a laugh, or sing a song. Even though you don’t seem to be laughing. Or singing. But still, ear tug.

30. If you concentrate really hard, you can feel the building moving instead of us. They don’t want you to know that part.

31. I’m still trying to figure out where I’m supposed to put my money.

 

(Originally published in “The Sound and the Fury” on 08/10/12 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 10/11/13, minimally revised and updated with extra flair for this post.)

 

77 replies »

        • Then, two minutes later, both of you were swilling cocktails at one of the myriad hole-in-the-wall nightclubs, swearing to be best friends forever. Because that’s NOLA as well. Unless you don’t drink, in which case the friendship bracelets might not have been exchanged so exuberantly… 😉

          Liked by 2 people

  1. Two days ago when a man in the elevator mentioned how cold it was, I told him I couldn’t wait to get in my car and blast the heat on my feet because they were freezing. He gave me an odd look and didn’t talk to me again. TMI, ya think?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 24 is the keeper and the best short story opening line in weeks.

    32. I usually save the weaponized SBDs for friends, but since there’s so many of you in here to share with…
    33. (Reserved for thirty something man whores) Do you have a card? I’ll bet with all that stuff in your hair and the two buck cologne it would be cheaper and more effective to hire you to stand around my laundry room once a quarter than pay the bug man.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have never laughed so hard! This list is incredible. I would love to say any of these things when in an elevator because I am certain the reactions would be priceless. Do these same suggestions also work on public transportation? Just curious.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I was laughing over at Diana’s blog and thought I would come here and finish the list! I think all of these might get you put in the Looney Tunes bin. I especially think lying down touching all four walls would do it! The singing part would get you, too. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi. You don’t know me. But I’m here to thank you (Chocolate? Flowers? Booze?) for making my entire day. I know that might sound a tad pathetic but I’m really okay with it. I do honestly dislike the whole “LOL” thing but a proper LOL to you, good sir. Thank you for this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It doesn’t sound pathetic to me, at all. I think people who arrive bearing gifts are the best kind of people who arrive. I’m glad you enjoyed your visit, and hopefully you’ll bring me something shiny every day! 😉

      Like

  6. Well, I learned an important lesson today. Do not have a mouthful of pizza when reading your posts. When I got to #23 I didn’t know whether to choke or spit it out as my laugh reflex was about to let loose. Thankfully tragedy avoided. They were all good but I have to choose #4, 23 and 30 as my faves. 😆

    Liked by 1 person

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