Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #458


Perfume bottle on the left: “Oh, God, she’s doing it again.”

Powder puff on the right: “I feel your pain. All we want is to just sit on this table in peace and hope that nobody knocks our asses to the floor where we shatter into a thousand pieces. Who does she think she is, coming in here and turning on the lights and moaning in pleasure as she grooms herself.”

Perfume: “Well, we’ve never been formally introduced, even though she womanhandles me all the time and makes me spritz on her erogenous points, but I think her name is Jean.”

Puff: “She abuses me as well, slapping me against her face repeatedly without even asking if that’s something I might want to do.”

Perfume: “Should we report her to our union? Beauty Enhancers Local 172? This situation certainly appears ripe for litigation.”

Puff: “I think you might be right. Fight for freedom! Then again, if we win the case and she has to go away, who is going to visit us every morning and sing little ditties about self-love and the tremendous amounts of cash that can be gained by appearing in moving pictures?”

Perfume: “Hmm. You have a point. And are we really qualified to do anything else other than sit on vanities and wait for women, and a certain contingent of men, to remember that we exist and then use us to make themselves feel better about their eventual decay?”

Puff: “Agreed. We have limited career opportunities, especially since we both failed typing in high school. Maybe we should make the best of it?”

Perfume: “So you’re saying that we should be content to admire the beauty of others and quietly feel sorry for ourselves instead of striving to succeed regardless of what we might look like or what our chances might be?”

Puff: “Isn’t that the American way? Giving up without trying and then blaming everyone else?”

Jean: “Both of you are fools. Suck it up and do what you need to do. And by the way, I have replacements for both of you in my spacious walk-in closet.”

Perfume: “Wow, she can hear what we’re saying and she’s not impressed.”

Puff: “Which is exactly what lots of folks on social media tend to forget. If you throw it out there, don’t be surprised when it boomerangs.”


26 replies »

  1. I really loved the thought and the use of the tools for beauty. The puff reminds me of my mother. God rest her soul Every day before work she would use perfumed powder not perfume as she didn’t want to make patients with breathing trouble worse she was an old school nurse. The nursing school graduate hat three corners with S.I.U. on the wing the school seniors graduated from.

    It is different now that she has been gone three years. The bad memories or hurts are fading and the more sweet memories replace them.

    This post brought one back full force. The sound of the puff hitting her body leaving the white round little edges where ever it hit.

    One she put that starchedidn’t hat and starched stiff uniform dress , white stocking and white shoes the last thing she put on was her nurses pin . The one that she got in the Nightingale pledge on her graduation day.

    Mom’s demeanor changed even her voice . She had what we used to call her Ms voice instead of mommas voice.

    When we called her at work which better be an emergency . She answered tell phone with such a professional voice . Nothing like what we heard at home. If she didn’t put her name as the end on the speach I would have thought it was someone else.

    Thank you for bringing forth this memory.

    Liked by 1 person

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