Past Imperfect – #21
If Lula Mae had only worn less restrictive headgear, perhaps she would have noticed she was sporting far too much clunky jewelry, and the Titanic wouldn’t have sunk after all…
10 Reasons Why Mondays are the Work of Satan
1. You wake up with a hangover even though you had nothing to drink the night before. It’s a fascinating biological phenomenon. Your head hurts, your mouth is dry and there’s a weird bruise in a surprising place. It takes all the strength you have just to reach […]
Past Imperfect – #76
Let’s eavesdrop on the wedding participants’ thoughts, shall we? Left to right. #1 “Father of the groom. I don’t like any of these people here, including my son, but you have to maintain lineage or it all goes to pot and the wrong kings get crowned.” #2: “Best […]
Past Imperfect – #128
Casting Call on the set of “Peach Blossom Clambake” – Starlet #1: “I’m going to smile like hell even though I know I’m having a bad hair day. Momma always said that clean, pretty teeth will keep you out of jail.” Starlet #2: “”Eventually I will give birth […]
Past Imperfect – #478
Gary: “Darling, I have terrible news that I must share.” Tallulah: “You’ve been sleeping with everyone on the planet except me?” Gary: “Oh. Well, there might be a tad bit of truth to that rumor, but it’s really not why I called this meeting.” Tallulah: “You’re a serial […]
Six Degrees of Saturation
The occasion: A festive birthday party at a friend’s lovely home. The setting: The quaint back patio of said lovely home. The time: Several drinks into the night. The factuality: This actually happened, although I fudged a bit with things like the real names of the people […]
Past Imperfect – #477
Anne, far left: “Well, what do we have here? It appears that George has arrived, dubiously escorting some young strumpet with stars in her eyes. How gauche.” Bette, near left: “Oh, come now, Anne. If memory serves, you were the strumpet in question a mere two days ago, […]
50 Startling Epitaphs in the Bonnywood Manor Graveyard
1. “The wi-fi really sucks in here.” 2. “I didn’t realize you were THAT invested in getting my Adele tickets.” 3. “Guess I didn’t need to save those vacation days after all.” 4. “Well, at least I won’t have to put up with any more psycho-drama at Thanksgiving […]
Things You Really Wish You Could Say to That Incredibly Annoying Co-Worker
“Don’t come into my cube unless you can get to the point within four seconds.” “Why do you have to yell everything you say? Is that how they do it on your home planet?” “Let’s just assume that your amazing niece did something extraordinary once again, and then […]
Past Imperfect – #475
Celeste, left: “I’m really not impressed with how this evening has been going so far.” Bette, middle: “I hear ya, sister. We haven’t had a fresh cocktail for at least an hour.” Hugh, right: “Do either of you even realize that we are not on the Upper West […]
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