25 Redneck Valentine Greeting Card Sayings


“I love you more than beer.”

“You complete my bobble-head collection.”

“You tractor-pulled my heart.”

“Your eyes sparkle like moonshine.”

“You are the prettiest girl in the Wal-Marts parking lot.”

“I love you like a sister. Oh wait…”

“Love means never havin’ to say which one of them kids is really mine.”

“The day we got married was the best day I ever had with a shotgun in my back.”

“You had me at hello, I’m here to slop the hogs.”

“You sure look nice sittin’ next to my gun rack.”

“I can’t really read this but the pictures are shiny.”

“I would love you even if I couldn’t use your teeth to open my beer bottles.”

“Momma says we oughta get married cuz then you won’t have to change the last name on your gun permit.”

“If they had your picture on the menu at the Dairy Queen, I’d order you every day.”

“I came here tonight cuz when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you better check for ticks.”

“Don’t forget I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to stop knockin’ her up every 20 minutes.”

“I don’t know how to quit you from running after the mail truck, but you sure can make a fine cherry pie.”

“You’re the only woman in the world that doesn’t have a restraining order on me.”

“If you can’t be with the one you love, it’s probably because one of us is in jail.”

“I love the way you hold my spittoon.”

“Our love will never be broken. Unless somebody raids the meth lab. Then I ain’t never heard of you.”

“Darlin’, you are more important to me than most of my trucks.”

“Roses are red, violets are blue, banjos played at our wedding, and lots of cows did moo.”

“Every time I walk in the barn I think of our first night together.”

“I would finish the fourth grade for you.”


Originally published in “The Sound and the Fury” on 02/10/12 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 02/14/14, revised and updated with extra flair for this post.

Story behind the photo: This is actually just me messing around with a toy cow and a tiny, glittery cowboy hat that I happen to have for reasons that don’t need to be explained right now. The hat is actually red, a nice valentine tribute, but I ended up using an albumen wash on the image, thereby destroying any hint of artistic creativity with this photo.


30 replies »

  1. My first thought was this is the best thing I’ve ever read on Valentine’s Day but as that might create the impression that my experience of this day has been one of rejection and loathing I’ll merely say, thanks Brian. This is both funny and….the best thing I’ve ever read on Valentine’s Day. Pah! Who cares what people think. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Phil. I try to pretend that I don’t care what other people think, but I really, so it’s nice to hear your satisfied words and know that someone, somewhere got a nice chuckle out me simply repeating what I hear at family reunions… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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