Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #76


Let’s eavesdrop on the wedding participants’ thoughts, shall we? Left to right.

#1 “Father of the groom. I don’t like any of these people here, including my son, but you have to maintain lineage or it all goes to pot and the wrong kings get crowned.”

#2: “Best man.  I have done things with the groom that he doesn’t wish to discuss. But he’ll grow tired of that little tramp before too long, and we can finally get that cottage in Wolfordshire.”

#3: “Groom here. I have the slimmest shoulders known to mankind. Some women find that fetching, obviously. Okay, men as well, and things have happened, but you have to understand that we went to a remote prep school and I was lonely.”

#4: “Bride, thank you. Yes, I know about the paternal dislike and the trysting at St. Bruce’s and my husband’s fondness for watching men who participate in sculling competitions. But I’m legally wed, documents have been signed, and I can now afford better hats. That’s all I want, really.”

#5: “I have no earthly idea why my beloved daughter made me come out here.  It seems that something rather important is taking place, and there’s much whispering and running about. Has someone been hurt? Will there be an inquest? Is that man holding a camera?”

#6: “I just need to tinkle. I’m still smiling politely, because I’m not old enough to control my own finances yet, but if these fools don’t hurry it up a bit I’ll be forced to toss aside this horrid basket of flowers and head for the nearest tree.”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 03/14/15 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 05/30/15.


22 replies »

  1. I came across this recently and enjoyed it thoroughly then too. There’s some serious shine on some of the footwear on display reflecting the serious quality of the humour in their thoughts. Nicely done, Brian 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I believe it was the email notification I got that you had clicked “like” on the original post (over on Crusty Pie) that triggered me to pull this one out of the archives. Hmm. Does that make you a co-creator for this new post? I might have to speak to my legal team to ensure proper accreditation… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • In other words, the anticipation of new hat-ware will lead to Mrs. Bride’s Head, Revisited? (I couldn’t help it, had to go there.) As for the situation with the Flower Urchin, this leads us to a matter of Expense and Sensibility. (Whoops, went there again…)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The groom does resemble one of those punching clowns (no pun intended) that are head, no shoulders and butt. NOW we can all speculate on whether that physique and punching clowns and punching the clown are all etymologically related. That was a five dollar word, right there. I accept PayPal.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I tried accessing my PayPal account, but it just laughed at me. Hmm. (P.S. When I was a wee bairn, those punching clowns gave me the creeps when they boinged back at you. I don’t know what they expected me to learn when they made us use them in preschool, but I quickly surmised that I should stay away from anything that can’t fall down.)


  3. And here I was thinking that #2 and #3 were related…ooooh, my bad. And doesn’t that ‘bride’ look the slightest (perhaps more than slight) bit er, masculine? I agree, that kid needs to pee. Soon. That bent knee thing is always a give away. They would dress her in white, wouldn’t they? Idiots.

    Liked by 1 person

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