Director John: “And over here, Liz will make her entrance in some crap designed by Valentino.”
Actor Marlon: “That explains all the lights. But why the big production?”
John: “Because it’s Elizabeth Taylor. She never just walks into a room. It’s always an event. You know this.”
Marlon: “But what do I get to wear?”
John: “What you’re wearing now.”
Marlon: “But I wore this in the last scene.”
John, sighing: “Your character is in the military, Marlon. You wear a uniform every day. You don’t have a party frock.”
Marlon: “It just seems so unfair.”
John: “You’ll get over it. Now, let’s get back on the set.”
Marlon rises to follow John, but then his eyes wander to a stick of butter sitting on the craft services table, a chance glance that subliminally triggers his mind to think of a very special way to make an entrance while shooting that lusty movie in Paris a few years later.
Meanwhile, on that craft services table:
Betty the Stick of Butter: “Why is that man looking at me like that? I feel violated in some way.”
Francois the French Bread: “In the France, we use quite often the condiments in our making of the love. Food is…how you say… erotique, n’est-ce pas?”
Tillie the Turnip: “But what has that got to do with the rest of the story? Wait, am I not on the truck anymore?”
Sal the Sage-Encrusted Salmon: “The writer is clearly throwing in a vague reference that can only be fully appreciated by those readers of a certain vintage.”
Billy the Box Wine: “My vintage is only three months ago!”
Millie the Millennial Muffuletta: “I am so over old people expecting us to remember how it used to be. What was so great about anything in the last century? And why didn’t I get an award just for showing up on this table?”
Nancy the Negative Nectarine: “And why is the writer using all of us to surreptitiously explain something that he wouldn’t have to explain if he had just done a good job of writing in the first place?”
Maya the Angel Food Cake: “I know why the caged word wrings. Do not judge those who speak from the heart.”
Sarah the Baked Alaskan: “I can see Russia from my house!”
Rudy the Russian Dressing: “Of course you can. I’m right beside you. That’s like saying Minneapolis can see St. Paul.”
Fannie the Fried Green Tomato: “And here we go again with the weird references that some Americans and most non-Americans are not going to get.”
Danny the Denying Danish: “It’s not my fault that the writer doesn’t know when to stop. We should have ended with the first butter mention and let it go at that.”
The Yam, Yoda: “But find we can cleverness, if seek we do. Wise is he seeking so.”
Patty the Petulant Pot Roast: “Blow it out your yam hole.”
Tammy the Temperance Tamale: “I suspect demon alcohol has destroyed another soul.”
Barbie the Rhubarb: “Are you kidding? The writer is retired now. He’s spending all of his money on health insurance and prune juice.”
Hamlet the Ham: “Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well before he completely lost his mind and forgot about things like filters and editing.”
Ophelia the Olive Loaf: “I have no idea what we’re talking about anymore. I’m going to go jump in that river over there and float away to another Past Imperfect that makes more sense.”
Director John: “Marlon, are you coming to the set or not? Time is money.”
Actor Marlon: “Sorry, I thought I heard something. Guess not. Say, did you know that you should never trust the butter in France?”
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
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Brilliant writing. Next time, can we please have a photo of Marlon in a Valentino party frock?
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I have my staff working on that very thing right now… 😉
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Don’t worry Tillie the Turnip…I ‘get’ you. 😉
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LOL! Tillie’s a trooper, she’ll be fine… 😉
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Awfully funny!
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Thanks, Bernadette! I’ll take that as a sign I should drop this one by the Senior Salon… 😉
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Well it’s a darned good thing you DID drop it by the Senior Salon – or I would never have seen it!!
Screamingly clever (my first career was acting/directing, so you had me from the get-go — I have actually heard similar costume comments, btw). I lost it at Sarah the Baked Alaskan – still laughing on several levels.
Thanks so much for sharing your meander down stream-of-consciousness lane. I am one who most certainly got all the references.
xx,
mgh
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
“It takes a village to transform a world!”
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I just have to say the really enjoy it when you make a comment. You are so charming and witty and it makes me smile when you get the in-jokes… 😉
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I think we are of the same vintage, with similar interests (and clearly similar political leanings – lol). Your writing is so clever that it’s easy to love.
xx,
mgh
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Ha ha. Can you imagine? Yes, apparently you can. Lol
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Sometimes I imagine a little TOO much… 😉
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No such animal, Brian!
xx,
mgh
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I’m glad you decided to stick with whatever drink so clearly hydrates your creativity. Dining with you must be an entertaining affair, though I fear the food would grow cold while I fought to breath while laughing.
Also, just for now, please imagine I have a sexy gravatar to the left and leave a plea for you to check out and follow my blog. (Damn, I love those comments.)
Over and out.
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And I’ll even imagine that your sexy gravatar keeps appearing on my posts, over and over, making your true mission even more clear and highlighting both your misdeed and your short-term memory issues… 😉
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I thought that was “thrust” the butter in France…
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There are, indeed, many things one can do with butter…
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Wow, what a smorgasbord.
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A little something for everyone! 😉
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So many excellent references in this post, Brian! The scary part is that I could actually picture Marlon Brando having some of those thoughts. He truly was an odd duck. The food as a Greek chorus was pretty inventive as well. After the day I have had, this was very much appreciated.
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Thanks, Susan! In the original post with this one, over on “Crusty Pie”, I actually ended with Marlon spying the butter. For the re-post, I thought maybe it could use a little more spice… 😉
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Good call!
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Muffeletta????? What is that, some sordid cross between a muffin and a french omelette? Love the way your thoughts took a definite corkscrew drive in this little escapade 🙂
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Muffulettas are essentially olive salad and meat sandwiches (although your description sounds intriguing as well), and when they are done right they are delicious. I would happily knock someone down to get to one… 😉
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Never heard of them, interesting! The word made me envision something sweet and dessertish.
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Learned to adore these in New Orleans during my grad school years – it’s famous for them – and the olive salad MAKES them.
xx,
mgh
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PS. *and* the round bread I’ve never found as good anywhere else.
xx, mgh
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New Orleans has some of the best muffulettas, which makes sense, as they were essentially invented there. I think I need to make a special trip to NOLA with the sole purpose of trying to find the best muffuletta. Somebody should to it, so it might as well be me… 😉
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Tough job, but as they say . . . (and why NOT you?)
xx,
mgh
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Excellent!
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Thanks, Neil!
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