Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #419

Clark: “I just realized something.”

Claudette: “That I’m trapped in the gravitational pull of one of your giant ears?”

Clark: “Look, I warned you about those things. Don’t get too close unless you’re firmly tied to a boat anchor.”

Claudette: “But I am. I’m latched to what’s left of Mary Pickford’s career, and we all know that’s not going anywhere these days.”

Clark: “That’s rather clever of you. But no, I’m talking about our faces. Have we been getting the same collagen treatments?”

Claudette: “Perhaps. I go to Dr. Cherilyn Sarkisian. You?”

Clark: “Yep. Cher’s been in the business for centuries and she still looks great.”

Claudette: “You know, I read somewhere that she was a passenger on The Mayflower. I bet all that extra collagen cushioning was a godsend when the boat slammed into Plymouth Rock.”

Clark: “Oh, she’s much older than even that. Some even say she was the one who built Stonehenge. She’s certainly tall enough to have done that.”

Claudette: “I wonder if that’s where she met Sonny?”

Clark: “It just might be, although he was a bit short for the task at hand. Say, maybe they worked on it together and that’s where they had the inspiration for their first hit single I’ve Got the Ladder, Babe.”

Claudette: “And one of Cher’s hits, Hard of Stone.”

Clark: “Gypsies, Camps and Trees.”

Claudette: “Half-Built.”

Clark: “Dark Ages Lady.”

Claudette: “We All Sleep on Stones.”

Writer, peeved: “Look, are you guys done yet? Because I’d like to end this post. Nobody is going to get this except the Cher fans. And the two remaining Mary Pickford fans.”

Clark: “You’re just jealous because you can’t wear a Bob Mackie outfit like she can.”

Claudette: “Snap out of it!”

Writer, sighing: “This is just one of those times when you hit the submit button and hope for the best.”



22 replies »

  1. Cher is an inspiration to everyone who wants cheekbones that could be used for a knife. Seriously though, she has one hell of a voice and I love it.
    Oh, and you are just too clever by half. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The song puns are always valuable. I think I mentioned song title aberrations got us through our days in the Eighties. And there are those blog days where no matter what you do, The Beat Goes Off…

    Don’t go there.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ‘shamed to say I got it too. >sigh< I've followed Cher (aka Dr. Cherilyn Sarkisian) for YEARS (more than I care to say). I have wondered time to time how she continued to look better at her age (which is so shrouded in mystery even historians won't be able to find out) than I EVER did. Then I remembered that film "Death Becomes Her" and Isabelle Rossellini and her "club" and I KNEW. That potion was potent, wasn't it? And human beings (which Rossellini was NOT in that film) are so foolish…always chasing youth and 'beauty'. I'm just glad that when one of those predicted sound wave thingies hits (you know, if they set off the nuclear devices there's some sort of wave thingie that kills electric impulses and cell tower relays and stuff – and maybe I've got THAT wrong, I have a lot wrong as you're finding out) I'm just glad that my face won't shatter like cheaply made plastic that's been left in the sun too long..

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not even sure where to go with my response. On the one hand, it’s lovely that we have a shared guilty pleasure with Cher. On the other hand, you’ve got me really worried about exploding cell towers and non-humans starring in feature films and dabbling in demonic cosmetology. On the third hand, because some of us DO have them, although we don’t talk about it in polite society, I fully agree that beauty is often a happenstance, generally subjective, and doesn’t really matter in the end. At least I think you were hinting at that, but my collagen treatments might be affecting my interpretive skills… 😉


  4. Did you ever see “Death Becomes Her?” If not, I recommend. Just bring a barf bag, because if you don’t love Meryl Streep (I don’t. Never will. And I live with the shame of not recognizing her shining ‘talent’ but thinking instead that she’s a horrible actress who happened to get lucky or had some dirt on a high ranking studio head). 99.9% love her, so I guess that makes me the .1%, right? If you DO see the film, you’ll get the perhaps obscure reference to Isabelle Rossellini. And prepare to laugh your ass off. It IS funny, despite Streep.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have seen “Death Becomes Her”, but it’s been a million years and I only vaguely remember a scene near the end with people shattering into a million pieces. Other than that, I couldn’t tell you what happened. Clearly, I need to track it down and watch it again… 😉


  5. Oh YES! I loved Cher’s outfits and Cher herself. Sonny was just there to make her look good. All i really remember about him is his moustache. (i was 8 years old when i watched.) But when i was that age, i wanted to BE Cher. Great post! And yep, Clark’s ears were indeed on the BIG side.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve bounced from Clark’s ears that look like my Dad’s (that I inherited), and Cher’s cheekbones…plus her impossible smooth skin and youthful appearance. I’ve ridden this emotional and confused roller coaster and not certain if has stopped or if I need to ride it to the end…wherever that is.

    Hopefully you are as confused as I am.

    Liked by 1 person

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