Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #216

Producer: “I just want to know what drugs you were taking when you came up with this promo shot. Because I want to make sure that I never take them myself.”

PR Consultant: “But, isn’t this movie about a lost Italian princess who falls in love with Frosty the Snowman?”

Producer: “Well, yes, Fire and Ice is about a forbidden dalliance between a disinherited heiress and a three-balled man, but this shot does not say that. This shot says Hannibal Lecter is on the loose in the Himalayas.”

PR Consultant: “Hannibal? Didn’t he do something with elephants?”

Producer: “Not that Hannibal. This Hannibal does something with corpses and fava beans. It doesn’t matter, as you won’t read about him for another 50 years. It’s just that I can see the future. And in your future, I’m seeing unemployment unless you can come up with something drastically better than Joan Crawford in snow drag violating a cast member from The Real Wives of Tibet.”

PR Consultant: “Okay. I’ll have something new for you in the morning. It will have to be something new, because Joan has already started filming her next film, Whatever Happened to My Estrogen?

Producer: “It’s probably a good thing that she has moved on. Now get out of my office before my mood stabilizers start to thin. Oh, and one more thing…”

PR Consultant: “Aw hell.”

Producer: “What you show me in the morning better not include the wretched hat that Dorothy is wearing. Life is too short to have to look at something like that twice.”

PR Consultant: “But Dorothy wears that hat in a very critical scene in the movie, when she finds out that her beloved is frigid in more ways than one.”

Producer: “I don’t care and I control the money. The hat has to go. And apparently the director as well. Why don’t you give him the good news on your way out?”

PR Consultant: “But…”

Producer: “Did I mention that I control the money?”

PR Consultant: “Got it. I’ll send him a text and then block him.”

Producer: “You just might have a future at Warning Brothers after all.”


29 replies »

  1. I was trying to work out if the snow-monster-thingy had four arms, or if Dorothy just likes to get under their skin? Bloody awful costume and photo – congratulations on sharing it with us. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, if that don’t scare audiences, then nothing will. I feel like I need to wash my eyes out. LOL. Terrifying.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. LOL, I have never seen this photo – OMG – although I have to admit, I have been with a three-balled man before – just kidding. Thanks Brian for always making me laugh. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I actually HAD that hat … I bought it in Harrods. I have never, though, for the avoidance of doubt, in my full and fruited life, had a three-balled man 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Uh oh. You actually had the hat? I may have to reevaluate our friendship. (Just kidding. I’m sure you looked rather fetching whilst sporting such a chapeau.) But thank you for clearing up at least one aspect of your sexual history. I was lying awake the other night and wondering if you had ever been to a three-ring circus… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I feel quite put out. I too, like Osyth, have never had a three balled man. I suppose they might have been busy what with their side business in Ringling Bros Freak Show (when it was popular..about the same time as that hat was in fashion).. And that ‘snowman’ ? Is that a Yeti? Having found the perfect hiding place, blending in with faux ‘fur’ hats and sweater coats. Maybe he’s (I’m presumptious on the gender) feeling a bit frisky…but that actress (whose lack of success might be blamed on this promo shot) appears to be snuggling up to Yeti clone snowman a bit more than one might expect. Do three balled creatures get ‘hot’? Or would that present a melting problem? .

    Liked by 1 person

    • We share many of the same concerns about this photo. One can’t help but ponder who made what decisions that resulted in this snow-porn mess. Even more interesting? How many people commenting on this post felt compelled to share their experiences when it comes to three-ballers. Ah, the joys of WordPress and free spirits. It never gets old… 😉


  6. This is what happens when they rummage through the prop department, right? What an odd find. Pretty sure my high school’s drama department had higher quality snow monsters. Though I could be wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is sort of pathetic. But it does remind me of my own high school drama department. If you were assigned a lesser character in one of the plays (and I always was, back then) you had to come up with your own costume, which meant banging around in a cavernously creepy storage room filled with donated clothes and older costumes, often vintage. That was actually one of my favorite aspects of the whole experience, trying on 46 different things until something clicked and everyone would nod approval…

      Liked by 1 person

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