Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #221

Nun #1: “Do you ever wonder, Sister Mary Margaret Mary Marie, why the archbishop assigned us to New Orleans? Out of all the places he could choose?”

Nun #2: “I’ve never questioned it, Sister Mary Margaret Magdalena Macarena Hey Macarena. God guides the archbishop, and he guides us.”

Nun #1: “Still, it has been a challenge, this city. And I must admit that I have been tempted. And I may have stumbled.”

Nun #2, unable to control a gasp and nearly losing her grip on her anointed umbrella, but recovering quickly: “My poor sister, if you have strayed, you must confess at once.”

Nun #1: “Oh, I will do that, once we return to Our Lady of Red Light Districa. It has been tormenting me ever so much.”

Nun #2: “Perhaps you should tell me now. As practice for your confession, of course.”

Nun #1, hesitating: “But you’re the editor of the Cajun edition of High-Five for Jesus. How do I know you won’t run my story?”

Nun #2, crossing fingers behind her back: “I would never do such a thing. Gossip and innuendo are the Devil’s work. So tell me, what sort of sins against Our Heavenly Father have you committed? Do you have lust in your heart for the swarthy man who delivers the produce? I must admit that there have been rumors in my sewing circle about such. Or were you the one who yelped blasphemous utterances in the communal shower when the hot water kicked in unexpectedly? I tried to get a picture of whoever it was but the steam was fogging my lens.”

Nun #1: “Allow me to say that you don’t seem all that concerned with my own welfare in this matter.”

Nun #2, fingers still crossed, as they have been since the second grade: “My dear, I would never do anything to disparage the reputation of a woman who is married to Christ. Unless, of course, she breaks the pre-nup agreement. Was there breaking?”

Nun #1, sighing: “I don’t know. Maybe. I’m so torn.”

Nun #2, exasperated, as she had a deadline to meet for the latest edition of the Cajun HFFJ: “Just spill it, girl. Nothing makes you feel better than loose lips.”

Nun #1, nearly in tears: “I went to Pere Antoine’s last Friday and I had the blackened chicken instead of the blackened fish. I’m such a bad Catholic, eating meat on Friday, and I have broken a sacred rule. I shall burn forever.”

Nun #2, pausing to let this sink in, then recovering: “Honey, do you not have email? We really don’t care about that anymore. I can’t run a story like that, my editors will rip me a new one.”

Nun #1: “Editors? Run a story? But I thought this was just between me and you.”

Nun #2: “Of course it is, especially since I didn’t get anything good out of you. Now, should we stop by the French Market for some fresh oregano? Or is that too pungent of an herb for your obvious chastity?”


28 replies »

    • Or beignets. Or jazz. Or the seafood. Or the wrought iron. Or the colors, everywhere. Or the the diversity. Or the celebration of life. Or… oh, screw it, I’m booking a flight on Expedia… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  1. *snicker*…hee hee hee. Sister Macerana de la St Marie the Unsullied could always write about how penguins love water, so the umbrella is really passe.. Big time. Or about the fallen and low women who wear hose with seams and allow portions of their legs and arms to actually be SEEN…hussies. Or how it rains on the just and the unjust and is that really JUST? Great post as usual! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wait, I’m not supposed to bare arms or wear hose with seams if I don’t want to be considered a tramp? This certainly changes everything. I must return to Our Lady of Red Light Districa, huddle in my chaste chamber, and reconsider every decision I’ve ever made. Thank you for this guidance. Love, Sister Briana Bambina Bodacious Bon Temps…


  2. Julie Andrews and Debbie Reynolds had such a huge impact on women. It did create a confusion of goals & social roles. Should they become singing nuns in the rain or forsake forsake the nunhood for sex and keep on singing skiing down the Alps ? They could give up sex & the nunnery, but keep on singing & high-flying with an umbrella . Oh the hills & chimneys are alive with the sound of music, but do you know what it is to miss New Orleans ? – especially with rain & hurricane winds, Holy-Moly there goes Sally Fields forever. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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