Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #195

Driver #909: “Heads up, #937. Whatever you do, don’t pick up a guy wearing a Dallas Cowboys t-shirt and a belt buckle the size of a Buick. He’s smashed on hurricanes and hollering some crazy nonsense about Texas becoming its own country.  Nobody cares but he won’t shut up.”

Driver #937: “That sounds like every third guy staggering down Bourbon Street. And who cares if Texas leaves the Union? Those idiots are a dime a dozen.”

Driver #909: “Yeah, but this guy takes the cake. He peed off the back of my car!”

Driver #937: “Is that what that was? I thought you were losing brake fluid.”

Driver #909: “I thought I was too until I turned around and saw that anteater swinging in the wind. Kicked his ass off but good. Say, why aren’t you moving? This isn’t a regular stop.”

Driver #937: “Well, we got some woman on here claims her son is missing. I think she’s lit like everybody else, but I gotta check it out. You haven’t seen a little boy running around all by himself have you?”

Driver #909: “Nope, haven’t seen anybody like that, and I don’t miss a thing on my watch, no sir.”

 

21 replies »

    • You know, you might be on to something here. I could do a whole epic based on the cable cars in New Orleans and what they encountered, especially the abandoned lines like “Desire”. My mind is clicking. (P.S. Totally grooving on the new profile pic, you rock it well.)

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for beating me down about my accent-less final vowel. I shall now proceed to write acerbic poems about my bitterness. Then again, I could also proffer a query as to why your last name isn’t pronounced “Well-kay”. See how it feels? 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Well you KNOW I laugh at all your posts (and responses) so doing the bwahaha or the LOL is going to be implied in future, ‘k? I’ve never been to N’Awlins and only ever rode a cable car in San Francisco (interesting experience. You get so intimate with total strangers who eat a lot of garlic and don’t believe in mouth hygiene apparently) but now I have another thing to add to the list of ‘Things I MUST do if I ever go to N.O.” Who knew one could have such fun in an open air vehicle where one does run the risk of being shoved off by a drunken individual who is exuberant in sharing their glee with everyone. I believe I met his cousin on a bus in Utah (everyone has relatives in Utah, did you notice?). But that guy was hopped up on something other than liquid and the driver shoved HIM off. The last glimpse we innocent by-riders saw of the man was him trying desperately to make love to a tree. The tree remained unmoved.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know, contemplating the concept of everyone having a relative in Utah has totally changed my world. I may never be innocent again. In the mean time, you should still plan a trip to New Orleans. It’s a must, and I will happily be there to point you in the direction of the best places to watch humanity lose all humility. It’s quite festive!

      Like

  2. I “know a guy” who once stood up in the back of a vintage Military Jeep going down an Oklahoma section line going about 40. With brilliant idea of taking a whiz out the back. It would just fly out the back, right? This fool had no concept of aerodynamics and the resulting pee storm managed to really piss on “the guy I know’s” ability to maintain any future relationships with the passengers in that Jeep…

    Poor kid. Lost in N’Awlins. Cheerful hookers, good food. There are worse places. Like being tied to a goat in the Ozarks…

    Liked by 1 person

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