Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #107

Anne hit the perfect-husband jackpot when she found a man who did what he was told, didn’t have to be fed, never argued, put her on a pedestal, and provided her with an endless supply of luxury footwear. Of course, procreation was going to prove interesting, and she would probably need a tetanus shot, but even the best relationships have their little challenges. Then, one day, Anne’s interstellar world was rocked.

Anne: “What did you just say to me?”

Robby the Robot: “I believe I clearly stated that I have been giving shoes to other women.”

Anne: “How could you do such a thing? After all the things I haven’t done for you!”

Robby: “I assure you it was not a difficult task. I did exactly what I’m doing right now, slipping a high-end slipper to a woman who is mildly-aroused at such a proffering. Except it wasn’t you sitting on the ladder pedestal. And now that I mention it, perhaps you should run a sanitary wipe across the top of that ladder.”

Anne: “I can’t believe this! Just how many other women have you been sharing shoes with?”

Robby: “I’m still processing the data, but if I had to make a rough estimation, I believe the figure would be somewhere around 412.7 or thereabouts.”

Anne: “Four hundred women? That’s insane!”

Robby: “No, it’s merely the result of my high-performance capabilities. I was designed to be productive and I am merely meeting the requirements of my service agreement. Don’t hate me for being bountiful.”

Anne: “But that’s all you do, right? Give them shoes? You don’t…. do any of these other women need a tetanus shot as well?”

Robby: “I cannot speak to their specific inoculation needs. I met most of them on strappy sandals dot com and we didn’t exactly share medical histories. But I can say that my specific grade of synthetic metal should not show up on their CAT scans.”

Anne: “Okay. So it’s just a foot fetish, then? It doesn’t go beyond that?”

Robby: “Regretfully, there is some degree of going beyond. After the sacred presentational ceremony, I often retire to the service closet and… recycle my oil.”

Anne: “Oh my god!”

Robby: “No, I am not a god. If you wish for me to be one, you’ll have to order the upgrade software from Macrohard Industries. I understand they are running a special at the moment, so if you call now you’ll get free shipping and a bonus program that will allow me to walk on water.”

 

35 replies »

  1. Anne is a selfish bitch. She should know that Robby is in great demand, what with his endless supply of cute footwear, designed for ‘that special gal’. The fact that there are over four hundred ‘special gals’ shouldn’t factor in..uh. And that little massage thingie he does as he’s slipping one the slipper…Oh my…only a truly selfish woman would try to keep that all to herself! And those retro bubble pants…well it’s simply too much. Add in the various phallic shaped accessories…and well a girl could have herself a really fine time…even if he does stray time to time. A robot has needs too..

    Liked by 1 person

    • And that, in a nutshell, explains modern American society. Well, except for the people who base their lives on Fox News. There’s no explanation for that. On an unrelated note, “a robot has needs too” explains the first decade or so of my dating life…

      Like

  2. I’ve known a lot of women who wished their shoe salesman wasn’t an amateur gynecologist…Or that they’d thought for half a second before they forgot their fashion choices were inappropriate for the mind sucking draw of a 50 off sale and one of their feet on a stranger’s shoulder.

    Liked by 1 person

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