Humphrey Bogart: “I told you to stop arguing with me. Don’t you understand that I have a gun pointed at you?”
Bette Davis: “But that’s what I’m talking about. I can’t take that gun seriously. Did you steal it from one of the munchkins in The Wizard of Oz? I have hair barrettes that could do more damage.”
Leslie Howard: “Bette, let’s not antagonize the man. He has hair like James Dean will eventually have, so you know he has issues. And he hasn’t shaved, which really accents his jaw… his manly jaw and… what were we talking about?”
Humphrey: “Both of you need to shut up. I just renewed my contract with Warner Brothers so I’m not the one that’s going to die in this scene.”
Bette: “I’m not scared of you. I just won my first Oscar, bitch.”
Leslie: “Well, I’m scared. Should I give you my phone number so we can talk about it?”
Humphrey: “Aw, screw it. I’m done with the both of you. I’m just gonna go over here and wait for Lauren Bacall to get discovered.”
Bette: “Hold up. You can’t just belch your way in here and threaten everybody with a party favor and then not follow through. If you really want to win that Oscar, somebody has to die in this scene.”
Leslie: “Now, Bette. Winning awards isn’t all that important. Possibly dying before I officially come out of the closet? That ranks a bit higher. Let’s not be so pushy with James Dean.”
Humphrey: “Both of you are insane.”
Bette: “Oh, that’s another way to win an Oscar. Maybe we can make some script changes. Where’s the screenwriter?”
Leslie: “He clearly gave up on this post about three lines ago and is just letting it drift back into harbor on its own.”
Humphrey: “Doesn’t he always?”
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
Bogart could have shot himself. That would have been a twist in the story.
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That sounds like the beginning of a beautiful twist… 😉
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Joke all you want, but Bogart’s chin is to die for. Figuratively speaking, that is.
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Oh, I’m not complaining about his chin at all. Nope, not me… 😉
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I’m sorry, but I just think they all look like washed out wimps, I get absolutely zilch menace from this photo.
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Fair enough, as there doesn’t seem to be much menace afloat. Bette’s comparatively giant hand could easily swat away that toy gun… 😉
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Still, your writing is always well received in this little spot down under. Think Bette could probably melt it with the look of bored disdain on her face.
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This film…. When I saw it for the first time I was shocked at how beautiful Bogey was!
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“Beautiful” is certainly one word for Bogey in this film. “Hot” is another… 😉
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Agreed, but ugly people can be hot too. Bogey was always hot, but when he was young, he was beautiful. In comparison Leslie Howard is a pretty boy.
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I always liked Bogart, but somehow missed this movie. Incredibly weird considering where I live, right? Do you recommend it? (The movie, that is. Not where I live.)
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It really is a good movie. A bit more melodrama than I care for (such as this scene), but melodrama just came with the territory back then…
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I have never understood the casting of Leslie Howard in the roll of Ashley Wilkes in Gone With The Wind. I don’t believe they ever explained how a “southen boy” had a British accent. Vivien Leigh did her best but it sure wasn’t enough. I have also never understood why “Hollywood” doesn’t get true Southerners to coach these actors how to speak…true “Southern.” LOLOL
Bogart? Never saw any of his movies. 😦
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Leslie never made sense in that role. As for the Hollywood vocal coaches, I agree. Those coaches have apparently never been in the South, and they’ve certainly never been to Oklahoma… 😉
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I know! When George Clooney was going to be in O Brother, Where Art Thou, he sent his script to his uncle on Kentucky. George was born there but moved when he was young.
He got his uncle to record himself reading the script, so he could get the accent down pat. I thought it was pretty believable. 😊
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Leslie is thinking “how do I get away from that thorny branch that has somehow made its way into the scene?” The twist should have been that Bogie’s gun was actually Spencer Tracy’s liquorice one from Adam’s Rib.
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I’m so glad you pointed that out. I was trying really hard to work that spiky whatever it is into the story, but I just couldn’t make it work. And yes, it would have been quite fun if Leslie or Bette had just snatched up the gun and taken a bite out of it…
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Obviously Leslie and Bogart should have walked off the set hand in hand. Now that would have rocked movie theaters across the nation.
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I completely agree, and I always yearned for such things when I was a wee bairn watching old movies late at night… 😉
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Aren’t they at sea? Not only in the PLOT, but literally? Bette clearly is confused about Mr. Howard, clutching at him in a purely girlish way, which might be why she won the Oscar. She could ACT (although seeing her recently in an old movie – one of Agatha Christie’s “Marple” movies..she must have been somewhere around a thousand years old at that point, made me realize that strokes triumph over the most iron willed). Now that film sir, might make a smashing Past Imperfect… (Murder With Mirrors – Helen Hayes..ect). Back to our stormy sea and plastic gun and Bogey channeling backward Ben Affleck in any of his recent films where that unshaven bad boy thing is his style… where was I? Oh who the hell knows? Great post as usual sir, I laughed hysterically. You put such a fine point on the dialogue!
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This scene was clearly written, staged, and directed by Helen Keller. Still, it’s better than 97% of the movies that come out THESE days, all of which seem to concern large explosions that cause the lead actress to lose her blouse at some point. I’d love to do the Agatha Christie movie, but that flick violates the one rule I have about the Past Imperfects: The photo has to be black and white. Maybe I should start a third category to go with the Past Imperfects and the Present Tenses? Hmm…
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Does the FILM have to be black and white? The photo is no problem, but if technicolor films are taboo…well yeah. I do understand. Since this Marple was somewhere in the 70s, nobody much that acted IN it is still alive anyway…?
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I’m sure we can work something out, so feel free to send any pics you think I can gently lacerate…
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I added a photo or three on my last post….um, I’ll try to work out how to get them to you outside of here…but don’t hold your breath. I’m quite addle headed right now…
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No worries about being addle-headed. It seems to be my go-to condition anymore… 😉
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Love those classics – ” The Good, The Bad, and The Bigly “.
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Otherwise known as the Trump Administration. Except for the “good” part…
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