Dear Dr. Brian, I was at Sonic this evening, and I had a small breakdown while trying to decide which of their designer hotdogs I should order. The Chicago? The New York? Stick with the standard foot-long chili cheese dog that they have had forever? It was […]
Six degrees of snarkeration… Take 1: Some people will do anything to get more likes on Facebook. Take 2: Congress tries once again to pass any kind of respectable legislation this year. Take 3: The revolving door of White House press secretaries tries to put a spin on […]
Howdy, Clam Bakers. Grab a seat around the campfire and settle into your chairs. We’re trying something a little different tonight. Part of the reason for this variance is that I spent too much time today doing things I shouldn’t have (XBOX may have been involved, I’m not […]
Deep in thought, Buster contemplated the complexity of his existence. Why does the sofa behind me seem oddly placed? What are those tassels all about? Does something extraordinary happen when you pull them? Where are all the other guests? Did I miss an important signal from the host? […]
1. “I knew there were going to be issues when they told me I had to light both ends of the baton before I could twirl it.” 2. “Does anyone have a really big truck that can haul something the size of a small elephant? Oh, and I […]
On the surface, everything in this shot seemed to be working perfectly. Ginger looked rather ravishing, her skin aglow from a recent tryst in Big Sur. Her dress was divine, fashioned by an alcoholic designer who had sobered up enough to make sure the material was cut so […]
Despite the dreary London weather, Lady Penelope was still very excited about being in the Royal Procession to christen the newest bidet installed at Buckingham Palace. She could hardly wait to queue up at place where queueing up would soon become standard procedure. There was a knock on […]
Storms have rolled in once again. This is rather annoying, because it’s near the end of July and by this time in Texas we should be done with all that mess. July and August are the months when a high-pressure cell typically plunks its ass right over the […]
In a moment of hysterical vanity, Portia commissioned a trendy designer to create a dress that would make it look like hundreds of angels were worshipping the success of her low-carb diet. Seven minutes later, a random maidservant pointed out that her couture also looked like hundreds of […]
Exhibit A: Richard Harris – “MacArthur Park” Mom was working at St. John’s Hospital in Tulsa, Oklahoma at the time. As everyone in the medical profession knows, hospital shifts involve some jacked-up hours, and I vaguely recall that Mom had to report at 6am. (This may be a […]
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