Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #181

William: “What the hell are you doing?”

Gloria: “I’m doing what I do best. I’m being overly dramatic about everything in my life.”

William: “But doesn’t that just wear you out after a while? I’m already tired and I’m just watching you.”

Gloria: “That’s because you’re young. The young are stupid and pointless.”

William: “Maybe so, but at least I had the sense to duck under the tractor beam that is about to lock onto your melodramatic ass and whisk you away to another planet where they don’t have any respect for silent film stars. Are you ready for your probe close-up?”

Gloria: “Honey, if they’ve got the courage to get near my ass, they’re welcome to it. Now where’s that gin you promised me.”

William: “I don’t recall making such a promise. Were you already drinking when you thought you heard somebody say they’d bring you one?”

Gloria: “Of course you promised, when you agreed to be my personal assistant. It goes without saying that personal assistants should always be prepared to bring gin. That’s just how things are done.”

William: “But I’m not your personal assistant. I’m here to help you revise that script you’ve been banging on since this country was founded.”

Gloria: “You say potato, I say somebody needs to bring me some gin or this evening is not going to be pleasant for anyone. Those with lesser constitutions will not survive until dinner is served.”

William, sighing: “Fine. I’ll fetch your libation.” He walks two steps to the ornately-carved Art Deco bar, clinking around briefly. “Say, all these bottles are empty. Do you have more?”

Gloria: “Of course I do, down in the basement. In the Gin Cellar. Don’t you have one of those? We all do on this end of the boulevard.”

William: “Haven’t gotten around to putting on in yet. I need to have a basement first. Be right back.”

Gloria: “Oh, and Bill?…”

William, tersely: “Yes?”

Gloria: “You might run into one of my ex-husbands while you’re down there. Be a dear and don’t let him out of the cage, no matter what he promises you.”

William: “You have got to be kidding me.”

Gloria: “I would never kid about such a thing. Refusal to pay alimony is a very serious affair, just ask anyone on this end of the boulevard. Now run hurry. This UFO is starting to give me a headache.”

William, exiting and muttering: “I hope they beam you up, Sottie.”

Gloria: “What was that?”

William: “Nothing.”


24 replies »

    • How hilarious. I was going to say I could hardly get past the second line I was laughing so hard. that would have been enough for me 🙂 Even though you might be talking about something completely different dear friend lol.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Aurora: I try my best to keep everyone covered, especially if the police show up…

      Vanessa: Being overly dramatic is fine skill that we should all strive to achieve. Unless my fave TV show is on, then everyone needs to sit still and be quiet… 😉


  1. She is (obviously) practicing for her future role as “God”(ess??) and saying “Let there be LIGHT”! I wouldn’t ignore her. She looks capable of about anything. She also might be wondering where that DeMille character is, whom she’s always ‘ready for her close-up” with..

    Liked by 1 person

      • Quick. Who was Steely Dan’s drummer when they were a bad jazz garage band? I was thinking down folkie lane. Dylan could twist it around like tangled up in cheap toilet paper. Baez could make it a feminist anthem. And then there’s Carly Simon…or Mamma Cass…Moonday, Moonday…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Um, I thought it was ME in that garage band. Wasn’t it? Yeah, I think so. [Sounds of rummaging around as I check my prescription bottle to make sure I took the proper amount.] As for recording of our new “Welcome to My Ass” song, I think we should get Patsy Cline to do it. She would give it just the right amount of sass and class, warbling about her ass. I’m sure she’ll do it. We just need to dig her up. Got shovel?

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve seen that movie more times than I care to admit. You have to admit, she played it up marvelously for that role, and gin could only have helped.
    Oh, thought you’d like to know that as I read this, I imagined Bill Holden’s voice for his lines. You did very well capturing his weary resignation. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love it! And i would love to have my own assistant who brings me gin. But then i guess i don’t need one. I always know where to find it. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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