Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #284

Deep in thought, Buster contemplated the complexity of his existence. Why does the sofa behind me seem oddly placed? What are those tassels all about? Does something extraordinary happen when you pull them? Where are all the other guests? Did I miss an important signal from the host? Did someone drag out the absinthe again? Did I drink some? Who would ever want to have a rug like this? Why am I sprawled on it in such an absurd manner? And most importantly, is it possible that I’m wearing a corset and just don’t recall putting it on?

The Couch: “Well, I’m not sure what you want me to say, Bustier. Normally I would be much more sympathetic, but I just spent an entire evening supporting at least fifty different people babbling about their inane issues whilst they dribbled libations on my crushed velvet. I no longer care and I have shrimp dip in my various cracks. But this much I do know. If you pull either one of my tassels, I will not hesitate to kick your ass with my short but sturdy legs. Really, though, I think you should be more concerned that the tiger appears to be dealing with a rather vengeful hairball. He could buck you at any second.”

The Tiger: “Do any of you realize how embarrassing this entire situation is for me, being used in a manner that is not right or just?”

The Corset: “Yes. I’m dealing with hairballs of my own. Buster has clearly never heard of man-scaping. It’s like a Yeti exploded in here.”

The Tiger’s Tail: “Follow me if you want to escape this absurdity. I know of a secluded room where we can hunker down and pray for daylight.”

The Host, off-camera due to an unfortunate cold-sore situation: “No one is going anywhere. My wife just informed me that her favorite corset is missing.”

The Corset: “Damn, I almost made it to freedom.”

The Tiger: “Don’t look at me. I’m clearly not mobile.”

The Couch: “I can’t help but look at you. And now I want pancakes for breakfast, if the prayer circle works and we make it to morning.”

The Pancakes: “Hey, don’t be a bully. We never did anything to you.”

The Doctor: “Mr. Keaton, can you hear me?”

Buster: “Is that the tiger talking? Do you need me to do the Heimlich Maneuver? Those hairballs can take some effort.”

The Doctor: “No, Buster, it’s your physician. The surgery went well and we were able to remove your gallbladder successfully. But you’re going to feel some tightness in your midsection.”

Buster: “Whew! I just had the strangest dream where the furniture was talking and I was cross-dressing.”

The Doctor: “That’s perfectly normal. The anesthesia can mess with your head and you might see things that aren’t real.”

The Stethoscope: “Oh, it’s real alright.”

The Faded Poster Displaying Internal Organs That Is Always in Examination Rooms, the One You Stare at for Hours Whilst Waiting for the Doctor to Remember You Exist: “Wanna pull my tassel and see what happens next?”

Alice, wandering in from Wonderland: “It’s okay, Buster. I got your back. Just take some deep breaths and don’t drink the tea.”

 

19 replies »

  1. At least your psychiatric professional doesn’t have to try to figure out what’s in your head, Brian—it’s all out there, all the time… (You could probably demand a discount, actually.)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Barb: You’re assuming that psychiatric professionals would agree to see me…. 😉

      Archon: I was wondering how many folks would just think that was a typo or even miss it entirely. I can actually be subtle, on rare occasions… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Corset or no Corset, gallbladder or no gall bladder, prone or righteously upright, I still think Buster had THE most soulfully beautiful face. If Alice doesn’t want the tea, I’m very happy to oblige 😉🦄🦄🦄

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Buster is listening to internal, unheard of by plebeian humans music. The different drummer and all that. This unseen orchestra has burst into a chorus of “I Feel PRETTY…” which is pretty odd in itself, given that Buster had exited, stage left, from the whole Hollywood scene by the time West Side Story was aired…still. Old guys like movies too…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Now that you mention it, The Couch does seem to be humming along, but The Tail appears to be completely indifferent to the musical selection. In any case, it would make my day if the Jets and the Sharks suddenly rumble-danced their way through the room….

      Like

  4. Lol to the manscaping and hair balls. Well lol to the entire thing.
    I actually wish I’d been alive in those days whenmen could lay on a tiger skinned rug in a contorted manner and stillhave the look of aloofness and disinterest as they pondered the deeper things in life. Like animal rights and finger puppeteering

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Embarrassed to admit this, but I saw my first Buster Keaton movie only last year (The General). It was at my son’s insistence, and I’m glad he insisted. Buster was a comic genius, as I’m sure you know.
    What I didn’t know was how fetching he looked on a tiger skin rug. Also, I’m with Margo, the shoes are to die for. Nylons and all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Now, no reason to be embarrassed. There are lots of movies and actors I’ve never personally experienced. I could give you a few examples, but the shock of my cultural deficiencies might give you too much power in our relationship… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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