Giselle, on the Right: “Whatever are you working on, darling?” Veronique, on the Left: “Oh, I’m just jotting down a few notes for when the police arrive. Don’t mind me.” Giselle: “The police? That seems rather intrusive. Why on earth would they do that?” Veronique: “Well, I did […]
The college professor clicked a button and the photo appeared on the screen behind him. He addressed the class before him. “Today, we will learn about the variability of perception. How surfaces can inadvertently lie, which can then lead to lies maliciously surfacing. Tell me your first impressions. […]
Once upon a time, as a companion piece to my “Backup Dancers From Hell” blog, I had a side project entitled “Typos From Hell”, wherein I would slightly alter the title of a popular song and then come up with a fake promotional bit for that violated title. […]
Note: This is the “Pinterest” version, but the shocking obsessions and degradations essentially apply to all platforms. More to follow. 1. You no longer remember the names of your children. Or if you even have any. 2. The last time you looked at the television, “Friends” was still […]
Howdy, Clam Bakers. Some of you may have already seen the cryptic tweet from the Home Office indicating that, due to circumstances somewhat beyond our control, the main campfire at Bonnywood Manor has been temporarily shuttered until the local Hazmat Team can attend to the situation. I can’t […]
The lovely Saturday evening had been going splendidly until Claudette laughed just a bit too hard and the cauliflower casserole from dinner backfired unexpectedly. Her bloomers billowed, the conversation ceased, the cab driver discreetly rolled down a window before they all perished, and the possibility of a second […]
1. “I’m sorry, was that you trying to form a complete sentence? My bad. At first I thought someone had run over another armadillo out on Route 9.” 2. “So when the Jesus visions come to you, are they live-action or animated? I’ve always wondered. We don’t get […]
Dr. Machismo, addressing his Psychology 101 class: “Students, in this classic snapshot, the photographer has managed to capture the full range of male sexuality. A lovely maiden is simply trying to transport a freshly-picked butternut squash to the Rome apartment of her beloved grandmother, Mary Elizabeth Catherine Marie […]
Colleen: “I don’t mean to be rude, but who the hell are you and why are you in my dressing room?” Virginia: “Thank you for asking. Well, I just happened to be walking by your penthouse, because I don’t have anything more important to do, and I could […]
Ruth: “I suppose we should get up and actually do something with our lives.” Betty: “I don’t really see the point. I still have plenty of cigarettes left, I could do this all day. Although it would be nice to have an ashtray. Sorry about the carpet, dear.” […]
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