Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #204

Colleen: “I don’t mean to be rude, but who the hell are you and why are you in my dressing room?”

Virginia: “Thank you for asking. Well, I just happened to be walking by your penthouse, because I don’t have anything more important to do, and I could sense that your spine is out of whack due to sitting on that really shoddy bench that doesn’t offer any actual lumbar support.”

Colleen: “My bench? But I got this at Bergdorf-Goodman. It’s very high-end, and everyone is clamoring to own one. I have three, because I make more money than I know what to do with.”

Virginia: “It’s a piece of crap. But if you’d like, I can massage your vertebrae until they are once again aligned with the planets.”

Colleen: “I don’t even know that to say to that. Wait, yes I do. Leave.”

Virginia: “But you don’t understand. I have been fully trained by the Order of Spine Spinsters. I can do amazing things with my fingers.”

Colleen: “I’m sure your fingers are capable of something. I just don’t want to find out what that is.”

Virginia: “You will regret not taking advantage of my skills.”

Colleen: “No, what I regret is that I don’t have better security. Depart at once, or I will be forced to bludgeon you with one of the 146 bottles of nail polish on my vanity. And that could prove tedious, as it will take a lot of whacks from a two-ounce bottle to make you submissive.”

Virginia: “Fine, I’ll go. But can I ask one last question?”

Colleen: “If you will vanish into the night right after that, yes.”

Virginia: “If I spin the wheel on your mirror, will I get into the Showcase Showdown?”


(Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 05/15/15 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 07/30/15.)


23 replies »

  1. Colleen keeps a sweet smile on her face while she says wickedly unpleasant things, just like a former coworker of mine.
    Where is this former coworker now, you ask? It’s best we not speak of such things. But my nail polish supply has never been the same since.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Colleen is a professional, which means you can smile sweetly whilst sharpening her knives. And claws. Speaking of which, you might want to restock the bottles of Jungle Red and Pleasantville Plum nail polish that “somebody” borrowed, as I understand the investigation into the whereabouts of Coral Coworker has not been officially closed…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That mirror is quite something for sure. 🙂 And i think Miss My Spine Needs a Manipulation thinks she’s being seductive. Also, you are right. That bench is not ergonomically healthy!

    Liked by 1 person

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