Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #244

Giselle, on the Right: “Whatever are you working on, darling?”

Veronique, on the Left: “Oh, I’m just jotting down a few notes for when the police arrive. Don’t mind me.”

Giselle: “The police? That seems rather intrusive. Why on earth would they do that?”

Veronique: “Well, I did just happen to kill the man who used to be sitting on the other side of me.”

Giselle: “Really, now? How exciting! Your life is so much more interesting than mine. May I ask what led to this development?”

Veronique: “It was absolutely horrible. He made a negative comment about my hat.”

Giselle: “How appalling! Clearly the man does not recognize Chanel when he sees it, so of course he had to die.”

Veronique: “Precisely. It was a mercy killing, really. Still, it won’t be long before some fool finds his body in the loo and proceeds to make a fuss about the discovery. You know how those working-class people are, always bellowing about something they don’t like.”

Giselle: “Perhaps we should depart, to avoid all that annoying mess with the commoners forgetting who has trust funds and who doesn’t.”

Veronique: “Are you daft? I haven’t finished my coffee yet.”

 

Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 06/09/15 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 08/30/15. No changes made, which is remarkable because I can rarely resist the urge to tinker. Stay tuned for the sequel, wherein the Man in the Loo has rudely refused to expire and he takes his revenge on Veronique by posing as a waiter and serving her next cup of coffee, just to see the expression on her face. The French are wry that way…

 

19 replies »

  1. Oh la la how I adored this …. sadly it is raining and the doors are all shut so no witnesses Françaises to my very subtle snort (I have recently been working on making it more of a snuffle than a snort so as not to cause undue alarm) – naturally I am entirely agog for the sequel – bring on the wryly vengeful Frenchman … 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m not sure how I feel about transforming your snort into a snuffle. On the one hand, I think appreciative noises with a higher decible-level are more satisfying. On the other, “snuffle” does have more of a French air than “snort”. When in Rome…

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  2. An opportunity for the Possibly Dead title, should you choose to use it. I agree with the possibly dead fellow..that hat is not attractive. Makes one wonder if Veronique mistook the fresh brioche bun for her head gear and, not having had coffee and knowing Giselle’s predilection for being stabby without coffee, she grabbed the bread and made a dash for it. Those hat pins work on EVERYTHING…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Now see, the “brioche bun and hat pins” angle sounds like something I may have to work into the sequel, as a hat pin, properly used, could easily take a man’s life. (Or at least make a respectable mess.) And I could introduce a new character, a pastry chef who is concerned about missing inventory and he teams up with Possibly Dead for dual revenge…

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  3. Poor Veronique! That’s simply vexing when a victim refuses to die.
    Sometimes your notes are more enjoyable than your post – well, no, I didn’t mean that. I just mean, oh, you know what I mean. I enjoy your notes. They’re like a bonus for careful readers. Like if you ever read a play and find little jokes or asides in the stage directions. Bonus! 😃

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    • I must admit that, after the one post when I got mildly snippy about folks not reading the liner notes and you (and others) popped up and said “But, Brian, I would never dream of not giving each single word its due!”, I always try to throw in at least a little bit of something with the notes. Serves me right for the mild snippiness… 😉

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  4. “It was a mercy killing, really.”

    I think this might be my defense if/when I finally snap in the grocery store check-out line.

    I too enjoy the writer’s commentary at the end. “The French are wry that way…” Being married to one, don’t I know it! :/

    Liked by 1 person

    • The mercy killing bit is a line that I really need to use more often, but I’m not sure how well it would up in court. (It’s certainly worth a try, considering the number of people I would love to show more mercy.) 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Actually, I did notice that impending decimation. But I also noticed the Possibly Dead waiter, giving the man directions to the nearest fallout shelter, so I assumed that things would work out satisfactorily. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so rash…

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