Bertram: “I don’t particularly care for this coffee table.”
Beatrice: “Oh, really? You just don’t understand modern design, something you might have a better grasp of if you weren’t constantly grasping a bottle of bourbon. That table is lovely. It was created by an artist in Paris who only opens his shop every other Thursday. It’s a one of a kind!”
Bertram: “Thank God there’s only one of them, as otherwise we might all be doomed to a life of wretched disappointment. I keep expecting a gypsy woman to come in and tell my fortune. And it looks like a giant clown just melted into the floor. Perhaps he did so out of shame at the surrounding décor.”
Beatrice: “You’re such a stick, Bertie. You know I only select the best pieces. And we’re on the Home Tour every year. Those horrid women on the selection committee don’t let just anybody be on the tour. I have to stay current, even if it means spending ten months of the year shopping in foreign countries and I rarely actually live in this house.”
Bertram: “We’re on the Home Tour because we have a ton of money and people want to see how we live. It doesn’t mean that you know what you’re doing. What the hell are those dancing things on top of the book shelves?”
Beatrice: “Those are rare relics from the Mayan culture. I had to get several museum people fired just so they would quit pestering me about trying to sneak things out of El Salvador.”
Bertram: “That’s considered Mayan art? No wonder those people aren’t around anymore.”
Beatrice: “Fine. I don’t have to listen to this. I’m going into another wing of the house and look at brochures for Tibetan fertility statues created by monks who have never actually had sex. I understand that’s the next big thing, according to House Pretentious magazine.”
Bertram: “Before you go…”
Beatrice: “What, you want to psychologically badger me about the Natchez print on the sofa?”
Bertram: “No, not that. Could you help me up from this chair? I haven’t been able to struggle my way out of it since last Tuesday, and the fear of the impending fortune teller is starting to wear me down…”
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
He bought her an electric washing machine, an electric dryer, an electric dish washer, an electric hair dryer, an electric toothbrush….and when she complained that the house was so crowded that she didn’t have a place to sit down….he bought her an electric chair. That’s when she becomes ‘current.’ 😆
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If you were expecting me to get a jolt out of your comment, that expectation has been met. Why does it smell like burning hair in here? Do you suppose it’s the Mayan idols?
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This is really well written! Great picture!
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Thank you!
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Love the dialog
The back and forth
Real tight Brian
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Thanks, Sheldon. I can usually hit the dialogue; it’s the narrative that often befuddles me… 😉
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All I can say is to keep at it
You’ll eventually have a break through
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Of course he’s still stuck in the chair. He didn’t want to fall forward and hit his head on the table.
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And Beatrice would lose her mind over the mess if he did that, so yes, best stay put until chaperoned out…
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Like really, what IS with that crystal ball?? 😀 😀
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It IS a little unnerving, yes?
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I think Beatrice may struggle to haul Betram out of the chair considering she appears to have only one leg though, on reflection, she has perfect balance on that single stiletto 😀
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Garbo had quite a number of acting tricks up her missing sleeve… 😉
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At first I was crying over the poor, neglected rubber trees – Oh, the humanity! – then I saw the books and I’ll bet good money they’re not getting used. I’m thinking of putting together a rescue plant and book operation. Are you in?
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I’m completely in. I’ll meet you at the rendezvous point at 0200 hours. Don’t forget the thermos!
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Is that table part of the Fortune Teller furniture range?
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It very well could be, but I threw the brochure in the trash before I finished reading it. I was too afraid of what might be on the next pages…
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I was going to comment on the chair. He looks soooooo uncomfortable!
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Like a turtle in an Art Deco shell? 😉
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How do I get a job writing for House Pretentious magazine?
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Send your resume to the Human Resources Department at Bonnywood Manor, then I’ll have my people work with your people to make arrangements. I should caution you, however, that this position requires travelling at least 180 days each calendar year, as you can’t really write about Tibetan fertility statues unless you have actually touched one on a remote mountain top….
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Awesome post! Lol. And i might be the only one, but i kind of like the table and the crystal ball looking thingy on it. I’ve no idea what movie this scene is from. I should know.. alas… 🙂
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The movie is “The Kiss”, and that’s actually Greta Garbo posing with nonchalant glamour in front of the fireplace. The movie is worth a watch just for the amazing Art Deco sets, designed by Cedric Gibbons. Oh, and this was the last silent film that Garbo made. (I am just brimming with worthless trivia, eh?)
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I love Greta. And i have never seen this film. I wonder why? Anyway, art deco is my absolute fave! One of the reasons i love the Poirot mysteries that BBC did, other than the fact that they star David Suchet, who is a perfect Poirot, is the art deco sets. Especially Poirot’s apartment. I would love to LIVE in that imaginary place. Lol
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Oh, I didn’t realize the BBC Poirot mysteries had an Art Deco angle. This totally changes everything and I must seek them out immediately…
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I think you’ll really enjoy them! 🙂
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But in the meantime, if you google, you can see many of the glorious sets! ( i heart google sometimes.)
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