Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #396

Carole first realized that perhaps she had gotten off at the wrong subway stop when that whiny little girl from The Exorcist began waving about an inverted crucifix. She braced herself accordingly.

Whiny Girl: “You dare to enter my lair? I will evictorate you!”

Carole: “Oh my God! No! I have a family at home and… wait a minute. What did you just say?”

Whiny Girl: “I will evictorate you!”

Carole: “I’m sorry, that’s not even a word, and I can’t allow these proceedings to continue.”

Whiny Girl: “How dare you challenge me? I’ve been possessed by demons. You’ve been possessed by a poor sense of fashion. I think I win.”

Carole: “You don’t understand. I’m an English teacher. I simply cannot die in a scene that involves bad spelling.”

Whiny Girl: “Oh. Well, I was never very good in school, which is probably how the succubus invaded my personal space. Perhaps you could help me out?”

Carole: “I would think what you’re ineptly trying to pronounce is eviscerate. It seems appropriate, given the plot thus far. But as I’ve never been possessed by a demon, I’m not clear on your character development. What is it, exactly, that you wish to do to me?”

Whiny Girl: “I want to suck out your soul and destroy everything decent in the world.”

Carole: “That seems a bit harsh, but we all have different callings. I believe the word you’re looking for is trump. You want to trump me.”

Whiny Girl: “Trump? That word doesn’t sound very scary to me.”

Carole: “It didn’t scare anybody until he got elected. Now, can we wrap things up here? I’m late for a slam-poetry reading at the Taco Bell in Newark.”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 08/17/16 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 10/31/16. Dramatically revised for this post, going from a single line to what we now have. That’s just how it goes at Bonnywood, where you might think you’ve seen it before but you really haven’t, and double-dipping is never a crime…


26 replies »

  1. Carole should always make sure she carries some pea soup with her. That way should she run into this brat again, she can just pour that all over her.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. In another slice of your wonderful crusty pie, I noted that at the bottom of the post was a list of who was being lampooned, and a few subtle references for the film stars of yesteryear challenged like myself. Carole? Lombard? King? that one weird one whose surname I never can recall, but who featured in several cheesy B grade horror flicks during my formative years (and it ain’t Channing either..although she certain could have been a horror star. She scared the hell out of ME anyway), not Kane, not Burnett … AHA…Lynley.. Carol(e?) Lynley, an unsung horror queen. Upon doing my own research and not relying on you to provide me clues when it’s futile to do that…I’ll remain clueless til the end of my days; I find your subject is Lombard. Well okay then. I’m of the opinion that poor woman is suffering from decreased circulation to her brain, given that she’s wearing the shiniest pair of support hose I’ve ever seen and it HAS to have cut off the blood supply to all her limbs simply from constriction. Compression stockings. Not for the faint of heart. If you’ve experienced THOSE, Linda Blair holds no terror, neither do succubi (wrong demon gender) INCUBUS is the male version of … oh phooey. Who’m I to blather on about it? I’ve never encountered any of them (the possessed, demons wearing different hats nor faded flowers of the Olde Tyme Silver Screen. I’m going to leave it to you, the expert. Thanks for the eludication (yes, a blatant combo of elucidation and education…well you started it… ) *snort* (nod to Osyth..

    Liked by 2 people

    • What IS the deal with those stockings? No wonder the Hindenburg went down. Some fool stole some of the shiny nylon and they didn’t have enough to properly cover the ship. (No idea where that came from, but odds are I can blame it on fatigue after driving back from Oklahoma today.) Oh, and let’s not forget Carroll Baker in the Tennessee Williams-written movie “Baby Doll”, about a grown woman who acted like a child and wore baby doll dresses all the time. (Hence starting a fashion craze.) Some people in 1956 were just a bit off…


    • hi Brian, I have had many peoplee say they were having issues accessing my page. I think the issue is fixed now. I am technically challenged. Back in my day if a child said he was going to his bedroom to play with his wii it took on a whole different meaning.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pick up the old Whine/Bear stein and join in the slam-poetry jamboree/jabberwocky:

    Come into the garden, Maud,
    For the black bat, night, has flown,
    Come into the garden, Maud,
    I am here at the gate alone ;
    And the woodbine spices are wafted abroad
    with a blarmy weather wok talk-oh,
    As slowly the musk of the rose is blown…….
    and a hey nonny-nonny say serray serah.

    Those demonic spelling bees will sting you every time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Now see, the competitive instinct in me is screaming out that I must reply in kind with poetry, but I fear at this late hour that I will fail miserably, and therefore I concede this round to your cleverness. But I’ll be back…. [cue wicked laughter]

      Liked by 1 person

  4. A slam poetry reading at Taco Bell? Wow! Haven’t been there in so long, clearly I’ve missed a lot. 😄
    By the by, as per our previous convo, I prefer more “suspense” over “horror”. So… you know… in case you’re still looking for the right flick to throw at me. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Perhaps I stretched the truth a bit. “Slam Poetry” should have read “arguing with the annoyingly indifferent clerk at the counter concerning the accuracy of my receipt”. It’s always best to embellish a bit, don’t you think?

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yep. The word Trump is scary all right, but not nearly as scary as Trump the human. But wait, he’s not human, is he. We need Sigourney Weaver to vanquish the alien apparently. No one in the House is going to do it, as it damn well knows it should. Great post! I love the word evictorate. And i invent words all the time! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sigourney Weaver would be PERFECT for the job. (But I hope she texts me if she needs any assistance.) As for the House, well, it might not happen right away, but I’ve got my fingers crossed that the mid-terms will change the playing field in both the House and the Senate…


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