Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #500

William: “It says here in the paper that we’ve reached a significant milestone. I suppose we should celebrate. And by celebrate, I mean drink alcohol and pretend to be happier than we really are.”

Myrna: “I’m perplexed. And by perplexed, I mean that I’m immediately suspicious of you mentioning a milestone that is not on my agenda. I keep careful track of all our impending milestones, and I can assure that this relationship is not due any recognition for at least four more weeks. That’s when we’ll celebrate the fact that I didn’t insist on a divorce six months ago when you insipidly deleted all the episodes of ‘Downton Abbey’ on the DVR.”

William: “My pet, you really are quite fetching when you get so intestinal-blockage about unexpected developments that really don’t matter in the end.”

Myrna: “How quaint of you to say such a thing. Perhaps I should remind you that the divorce papers never left the table. That’s why I’m reading this hefty volume on the best places to be living when you file said papers. In fact, I was just perusing an amusing anecdote about a progressive country where husbands who delete things are neutered in the public square whilst the womenfolk drink sangria and bellow off-color limericks. I think we should move there. Is your passport in order?”

William: “It was until this moment. But seriously, my angel of contradiction, you must remember that things are not always about you or us. It’s actually a friend of ours who has reached an admirable milestone.”

Myrna: “Are we talking your friends or mine? Because there’s a very big difference. I like my friends but I generally don’t like yours. That kind of difference.”

William: “I seem to remember you being much nicer in the other movies we’ve made together. Have you changed agents? Have you had an adjustment in your medication that was not properly considered?”

Myrna, sighing: “You’re quite right in pointing out that I’m being a bit snippy. It’s just that things haven’t been the same in our lives after an arrogant man-child managed to surf his way into the White House on a wave of outright lies, obvious Russian interference in our supposed democracy, and a complete failure in getting the popular vote. I’m just bitter, and it forces me to write blog posts about the situation in the form of artfully-disguised political statements spackled with truthy humor and vintage photos.”

William: “Ah, I’m glad that you finally worked your way back to my original announcement about blogging and milestones. Our mutual dear friend over at Crusty Pie has just released his 500th ‘Past Imperfect’ installment.”

Myrna: “Crusty Pie? How lovely, even if he does tend to ramble a bit with both the story and his point. Good on him.”

William: “So we finally agree on at least one thing?”

Myrna: “Of course we do. But I still want to live in a country where people drink sangria and sing sordid songs, just because they can. And we should probably arrange that before the Man-Child issues another travel ban.”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 03/08/17. No changes made, and it may seem a bit self-centered to repeat this post, but there is still an admitted degree of personal satisfaction at reaching such a milestone. Condemn me if you must…


24 replies »

  1. A true snorter …. I must try to be more decirous, however since the gardener has rather trimmed the bushes in readiness for winter and I’m feeling a little more exposed. I lift my glass to 500 more 🍾🍾

  2. You posted this before? Just this year? Really? Hmm. My memory is worse than I thought.
    No matter. If I didn’t congratulate you then, I shall now. Congratulations, and here’s to 500 more! 🍾 🍷

    There once was a blogger named Brian,
    Who lusted for a good-looking Hawaiian,
    Brian said, “How ’bout a lei?”
    The Hawaiian said, “What did you say?”
    Brian sighed, “You can’t blame me for tryin’.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • How lovely for you to compose poetry in my humble honor. I must now pontificate on the many ways that you have been so supportive over the years and…. hold up, I seem to have a call coming in from Hawaii and I really must see what that is all about. Hold, please.

      Liked by 1 person

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