Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #297

Joan: “Oh, my lover, you excite me so.”

Cliff: “Really? That’s news to me. I’ve seen stronger signs of life at a mortuary.”

Joan: “Oh, silly, this is such a romantic setting. How could I not be in the mood?”

Cliff: “Romantic? This is a fake park bench on a fake set with two stupid fake trees looking like they want to be anywhere but here. I know the feeling.”

Joan: “But I’m clutching a branch from one of the fake trees to show my devotion.”

Cliff: “Devotion? Based on the limpness of your grasp, somebody needs to call a priest.”

Joan: “Fine. I’ll dispense with the professionalism, something you youngsters don’t know about. My hand is limp because your love-making is less interesting than cleaning the lint out of the dryer trap.”

Cliff: “My love-making? It’s a two-way street, sister. You need to let go of some of your rules. I can’t smear your lipstick, I can’t smudge your foundation, I can’t wrinkle your dress, and I have to wrench my back by leaning over this stupid bench, and I can only kiss your ear.  Lovers don’t have rules, Morticia.”

Joan: “Lovers have rules when one of them has won an Oscar and the other hasn’t yet.”

Director: “And, cut! Good scene everybody, very believable. Let’s prep for the next shot. Be careful with those fake trees. Something tells me we’re going to need them a lot for the rest of the movie.”

Joan: “This means you can take your hands off of me, Second Billing.”

Cliff: “I’d love to. But the weight of your ego has caused my arm to go numb.”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 08/28/15 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 01/15/16. No changes made, as the dryer just dinged and I need to go check the lint trap…


22 replies »

  1. *the weight of your ego has made my arm go numb* how I WISH I’d had that line when I was an in demand young vixen prostrating myself routinely on park benches for the delectation of my suitors 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yeah, that’s an odd pose however you look at it. And is it just my screen, or does she look like she’s levitating just a bit? Which, you know, perhaps Joan could. As well as turn her head around in a complete circle.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Her EGO made his arm go numb? I would have speculated that it was the size of her head (in addition to those woolly caterpillars she tried to pass off as eyebrows, after the unseemly (and NEVER talked about. In her hearing anyway) accident with the Bunsen burner and ethyl alcohol. I suspect she had a hard time getting through narrow doorways, and finding hat (millinery) in her size, not to mention wigs. It is a bane to have a big head….

    Liked by 1 person

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