My Life

Flashback #10: The Night I Did Not Break the Internet

Note: The following repost was inspired by a recent comment, wherein Osyth and I were discussing my brief career as a thespian and she mentioned “I don’t know your voice but we have imagination”. Well, I just happen to have something in the archives that might shed a bit of light on the matter…


So I innocently signed into Goodreads the other night, something I rarely do anymore. It’s not that I dislike the site; it’s just another one of my former obsessions that I drifted away from as other obsessions developed. This is one of my character traits: I can be completely focused on a specific interest or hobby to the exclusion of everything else in my life, then I wake up one day and think, meh, I’m done with this. And I move on.

The only reason I stopped by Goodreads was that I had received a friend request, and I thought it only polite that I check it out. (Maybe someone read one of my books and actually enjoyed it? Fingers crossed.) As I wiped the dust off my Goodreads control bar, I took note of the extensive backlog of notifications, knowing full well that I wouldn’t care about most of them because I wasn’t interested in attending a book signing in another country and I just didn’t feel the need to join a group wherein we discuss the nuances of post-apocalyptic zombie fiction set in Madagascar.

I quickly ran through the list, deleting things with speedy efficiency (no, no, hell no). Then I noticed that I had a comment from Lorie, one of my blogger pals on WordPress. Hmm. I clicked, and it seems that Lorie had taken the time to watch my video.

Oh God, the video.

You see, many moons ago, when I was a somewhat-virginal blogger and still in that Sally Field “I hope you like me!” phase, I made a video and slapped it on YouTube, with visions of instant stardom populating my unrealistic dreams.  This effort failed miserably and accomplished nothing. (I just checked, and the thing has only had 12 views in five years. I think it set a record, just not the record that I had in mind.) Several moons later, there was a resurgence of my temporary insanity, and I re-posted the video, this time on Goodreads during my obsessive cycle with that site. (I did it mainly to stop the constant reminder on my Author Page: “You haven’t posted a video!” it warned, hinting that government agents might be knocking on my door and hauling me away for insubordination.)

Hundreds of moon phases later, Lorie finds my video. And although I initially cringed that I hadn’t taken the video down, Lorie made a comment that helped me see it in a different way: “I enjoyed hearing your voice for reals after reading you. You sound sincere.”

That made me smile. Because as you grow older, if you’re doing it right, the little things become smaller, the truly important things become bigger, and a random video that you made during younger moons becomes just another color in your kaleidoscope.




Originally published in “Bonnywood Manor” on 04/08/16. No revisions made other than the bumpers at the beginning and end. Story behind the photo: Me, slightly buzzed in the Carousel Bar at the Hotel Monteleone in New Orleans. Sad story behind the video: I didn’t realize at the time that professional video bloggers edit the hell out of their videos before posting. This is all one take, no blemishes removed even though they should have been, like that out-of-character “Love Ya!” at the end. I think I was just relieved that I had finally gotten through the whole spiel without any major snafus, after multiple soul-depleting attempts, and the giddiness overtook me…


45 replies »

  1. I too enjoyed hearing your voice and wondering about those shoes… Would they be like Checkov’s gun? Would you break into song and/or (gods help us) dance, or metaphorically kick internet ass? The world is waiting for answers.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I have no shame when it comes to sharing my little stories, so whatever malfeasance you might associate with my efforts, I’m probably guilty. And Chekhov’s gun? It’s probably clear that I resort to that bit of misdirection far more often than I bother to check a grammar manual… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m actually thrilled to have prompted you to reach to the back of the wardrobe and bring this out for our delectation. I concentrated on your voice. The nuances, the accent, the softness. You have a lovely softly resonant voice. Of course, being me, I skimmed the shoes and filed them under ‘ponder later’ (read that as begin to obsess over the damn shoes at a random moment in the small hours when I can’t sleep a-GAIN.). I have no idea why we get asked to video and sing and dance and prance and all manner of other things when what we want is to simply write stuff that people will read and possibly not hate, but actually I am so glad you posted this that I may smile through the whole day whilst pondering important things like why was the ‘Bordeaux’ ahead of the ‘Champagne’ on that wall …. that is SO against the natural order. 🥂 🍷

    Liked by 4 people

    • I hang my head in shame with the deceit of the wall arrangement. I concocted that mess many years ago, after a madness-laced buying spree at Linens and Things. I did not put any real thought into my efforts, which brings me back around to my stories. It IS sad that we must now do so many un-writerly things in order to be acknowledged as a writer. What happened to the days when Harper Lee could pen a single tome, launch it, and then be done, without the pesky PR and subjugation to the whims of the masses?

      As for the shoes, they keep me awake at night as well, because I still can’t recall the origin story with that mess…

      Liked by 1 person

      • I have long been nursing a notion that we could change the wheel to a modified version of the original. I believe so strongly that there is far too much trash on the Indie trail and this is masking the real stuff. I have thoughts (occasionally coherent ones) of harnessing my previous incarnation as an agent and seeing if I can get some traction into something along the lines of a modern Bloomsbury set … A virtual Bloomsbury set. What do we think? I’ll email you is what I think but only if you would like me to – secret squirrel and all that 😉


  3. Oh how I love your resonant voice. I’ve always imagined having such a voice meant you could talk people into anything and always get what you wanted. For instance, were my voice more like Kathleen Turner’s and less like Miss Piggy, oh what I could accomplish. Alas, it is not to be.
    Also, just remembered I have a Goodreads account. (I wonder what I’m still currently reading?)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I do have to confess that I’ve used my voice to great advantage in my questionable career, especially on conference calls where they can’t see me but The Voice entices them to believe that I surely must know what I’m talking about…

      As for Goodreads, I insipidly keep joining their annual “How many books are you going to read this year?” mess. I usually peg it at 50 books. Last year, I only bothered to document five. This year, I haven’t reported a single thing. I read books all the time, but as I’m sure you’ve noticed, I have issues with focus and follow-up…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, you’re brave 😄 Loved it! Your voice is down in your boots and no particular accent, have you ever done voiceovers, like film trailers and such? 😉 Loved the French signs, and thank you for telling me they were shoes because I thought they were slippers and I kept wondering why they weren’t on your feet, or someone else’s feet? Good to see you inaction. Well done 👏🏻😊💜🎄

    Liked by 1 person

    • Not so much bravery, more so with the acceptance. There was a time when I would have been mortified to share this video, but you reach a point in life where it’s just so much easier to be yourself and let things be what they are. As for the shoe/slippers, I’m still not sure how they managed to make a cameo… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Dang. I’m not sure why the video is working for some but not others. Because I’d really like you to hear it, just as I’d like to hear your own voice, despite how odd that might sound. Your writing voice is fascinating, and it would be swell to hear you speak…

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ll try it again. My voice? LOL Just a Southern Belle who still flattens her “I’s” and drops her “ings.” I had the pleasure of speaking with the then mayor Bloomberg on the telephone and he said “you have such a delicious accent.” Hahahahahahaha!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Um, I have experienced some really unseemly (given your chosen lifestyle and my own chosen path) um…thoughts. I can’t even express the nature of those thoughts, it’s far too embarrassing. Suffice it to say you sound almost precisely like a long-gone lover of mine and his voice was a primary reason I was so enraptured with him (not to mention…well I’m not going to mention). So you have revealed you ARE as toothsome and delectable as you look. Now I have to go somewhere else and pretend I didn’t hear that…because it was wonderful and your voice is great and you are just so nice looking and I’ve been down this forest path before and it led nowhere good. But I’ll treasure your share all the same. Um. Did that get weird? I’m thinking so…. (FYI, I’m told ((I don’t know because one doesn’t hear oneself, does one? )) that my own voice is sultry, sexy and very appealing. I don’t match it in looks IMHO.) I’ve picked up stalkers because of it, and I promise you I’m not going to be one of THOSE to you. We’re friends. It’s all good, even if I did try to picture you in your… oh just forget it. Let’s move on.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was smiling all through this comment, so please allay your concerns about revealing too much. None of it bothered me in the least, and it actually made me feel pretty swell. We all have our moments. (Somewhere in my archives is a 4-part ode to Mike Rowe of “Dirty Jobs”, something that I’m sure will eventually get re-posted on here someday.He absolutely fascinated me until he offered to host a Republican fundraiser, and then the spark was gone.)


  6. The shoes, after many years feeling downtrodden, down-at-heel, and constantly under your feet, are making their bid for stardom!
    Have to say you did not look like you enjoyed this, in fact you kinda looked like you ate too many prunes. (I say this in a lovingly obnoxious friend kind of way). BUT, on the positive side I could understand what you were saying (and mostly I need captions for video), you spoke not too fast or too slow and you do have a lovely, deep and crunchy voice. (No, don’t ask why I think it’s crunchy, maybe it’s my laptop speakers). 🙂
    I’d listen to you again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • What’s probably coming through is my annoyance, as this was probably the 20th take, having discarded the first 19 because I messed up on a word somewhere along the line. As mentioned, I didn’t know what I was doing and didn’t realize that most folks just do a couple takes and then edit the good bits together. I wouldn’t mind doing these videos on a regular basis except for the fact that it takes effort, and that’s not one of my finer qualities these days…

      And those shoes? Yep, they are probably trying to steal the spotlight. If my blog ever goes dark, you know why…

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Okay, a couple of things here. First it is comforting to know that there is someone else (besides my daughter) who does that getting totally obsessed by a new hobby so that it takes over life – and then once all needed/wanted/someone said you’ll love this supply has been purchased and closets are overflowing, decides “been there, done that, time to move on”. Secondly, just like it’s nice to have a face to associate with a name, it’s nice to have a voice to associate with the face.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I do get carried away with my obsessions, and some of them get a little bizarre. I went through a “sets of stacked bowls” phase, where I bought far more sets of bowls than we will ever need. They are all over this house, shoved in the dark corners of cabinets, most of them never-used and no longer loved…

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.