Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #455

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Rose: “Remember when we were young and we carved our names into this sled to show our eternal love?”

Bud: “I sure do, honey. It was a magical moment.”

Rose: “Well, the magic is dead now. And the love is no longer eternal. I want a divorce.”

Bud: “But why, Princess? You mean the world to me and I don’t know if I can live without you.”

Rose: “Well, I think you’ll be able to meet new people, especially since you’ve already been meeting them.”

Bud: “I don’t know what you mean, my love bunny.”

Rose: “It means that I hacked into your email account and found out that you’ve been sleeping with everyone in the entire state except me. You should have enough frequent flier miles to book a trip to the moon. And you can stop using those creepy names that I’ve always hated. I’m not your honey or your princess or your bunny. This isn’t a Disney movie.”

Bud: “Oh. Okay, good.”

Rose: “Wait, what?”

Bud: “I never enjoyed calling you those names. I only did it because I thought you liked it. And I never liked that sled. I’m going to go burn it in the backyard right now and then cash in my frequent flier miles so I can keep sleeping with everyone in the state.” He grabs the sled and heads toward the back of the house.

Rose: “So you’re not even going to fight to save this relationship?”

Bud: “Of course not. This isn’t a Disney movie.”

Rose, peering down the hall to make sure Bud goes out the back door, then whipping out her phone: “Oprah? You were right! He is messing around even though I didn’t really hack his account.”

Oprah: “I told you, girl. Never trust a man who uses baby talk.”

Bud, looking behind him to make sure that Rose didn’t follow him, then whipping out his phone: “Dr. Phil? You were right! She thinks I’m messing around even though I’m not.”

Dr. Phil: “I told you, man. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust you.”

Back inside, Rose hangs up, then pauses to reflect.

Back outside, Bud hangs up, then stares at the sled.

Subdued but thoughtful classical music plays on the soundtrack during the interim.

Then Bud picks up the unburnt sled and heads toward the house.

Rose meets him at the door.

Sometimes it is a Disney movie.

 

Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 11/06/15 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 12/30/16. No changes made. To those of you who have grown weary of my extensive reposting lately, I promise that there will be more fresh material once the holidays settle down. Unless you enjoy the revisits, in which case you’re going to love the rest of December…

 

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36 replies »

  2. Speaking as one who only stumbled upon your magical place in April (cue the song about drippy droppy showers from ‘Bambi’ since we have a Disney theme going on here) and who is virgin fresh to the posts, I say – keep em coming and go with the holiday flow, emerging fresh and revived to create new material in the new year. I adored this. Of course I did. You must have known I would …. it’s clever, and sharp and it plays Welles’ finest filmic moment. I have a PS. Later today I am travelling to Paris for four days. There I will be reading your first novel. Finally after having my daughter sort out my misalignment with Kindle. I can think of no finer way to idle my time there, than by immersing in the words of one of my favourite writers. Of course there will be a trip to Shakespeare and Co too and a little light book-buying because it would be damaging to my fragile psyche if I didn’t. I think I might read ‘Unexpected Wetness’ right there …. for all to see. Readers, you see must read your work. Because, and I have special powers and know things, you are VERY talented

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    • Osyth: One of the many fine things about your arrival at Bonnwyood (not enough time in the day to list them all) is that you ARE a newish virgin and it’s wonderful seeing your reactions to some of the pieces that more senior members might react with a “meh, I’ve seen that one before”. (No offense intended, of course, to those readers with more seniority. As I’ve mentioned, many of them have been very gracious and tolerant with my double-dipping in the archives.) And I probably should consider not just a new book about snorting but perhaps an entire series. Something along the lines of “The Honking Adventures of Osyth the Turbulent and a Clever Goat Named Hortense”. Or maybe not. I’ll have my people get with your people and hash things out… 😉

      Claudette: It still thrills me that you liked “Wetness” more than “Screaming”. That poor little novella has never been shown much love… 😉

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    • I knew that you would be on the planning committee of The Society for the Elimination of Repeat Postings. Said with warmth and affection, because I really do understand. I’d much rather post fresh every day. But that thing called Life gets in the way and I feel guilty if I don’t throw SOMETHING out there every night…

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      • Well, I am sure that you understand that all of us here at SERP are big fans of your work, so we are eager to see more. We do understand Life can be a problem … perhaps you might ascend to a celestial state (without actually dying, you understand) so that boring stuff like Life doesn’t distract you, and we might enjoy more of your wit? 🙂

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  10. This was really good and all movie lovers should watch citizen kane at least once. The themes are timeless and you could probably remake that movie every 20years and it would still be poignant.

    Liked by 1 person

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