Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #469

Bette, left: “What did you just say?”

Olivia, right: “I said that I love you as a sister but I can’t fully support you leaving the house looking like that.”

Bette: “And why is that?”

Olivia: “Well, two reasons. One is that no one wears tropical attire after Labor Day. It simply isn’t done.”

Bette: “That’s an insipid rule created by people who don’t look good in anything they wear. I think you’re just jealous of the fact that I have more suitors than you.”

Olivia: “Granted, the tabloids might suggest that you are having a whirlwind of torrid romances. But at the end of the day, when we have both moved on to the Oscar ceremony in the sky, I believe our respective biographers will agree that I was much more of a tramp than you ever hoped to be.”

Bette: “There may be some truth in that. I noticed that you have a reserved parking spot outside the local free clinic.”

Olivia: “That was really sweet of them to do that. It makes things much easier when I need a quick status check. But we’re drifting away from my criticism of you, dear sister, and you know I don’t do well with second billing.”

Bette: “Fine. What is your second issue with my appearance? I’m assuming you find it much more mortifying than your severe, upswept hairdo.”

Olivia: “It’s that one eyebrow, dear. Did you have cocktails with Pablo Picasso and things got out of hand?”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 11/26/16. No changes made, although I should point out that, in a subsequent legal matter, Olivia’s eyebrows sued her for malpractice. People in glass houses…


20 replies »

  1. If my upstairs neighbor continues to look at me in that way, I shall use the Picasso line on her – I particularly like opportunity to say ‘sourcil’ – the rolled ‘r’ comes in just the right place to make it gratifying … using it in a bitch attack will be all the more so. As ever, I thank you (as should Bette for the advice on the dress and Olivia for the remark about the hairdo …. ladies – really?)

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know, I really think I need to compose a period drama wherein the two of us play various characters wherein we have dramatic moments of precision pontification and we solve all the worlds with casual asides. Or I could just go finish up the laundry, because that needs to be done as well… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Having survived the 70s (1970s just to be clear…there was a bigger mess in the 1870s on which we shall NOT dwell..but I saw “Scrooge” the other night and the clothing in that era in London anyway made my head spin around…just a little) having survived the 1970s.. I don’t feel I have any leg upon which to balance to snigger at nor criticize those which Hollywood put forward as ‘stars in the cinematic firmament..” (apologies to that woman who said those lines in “Singing (and Dancing) in the Rain” in a falsetto that probably damaged her vocal chords for the rest of her life…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I suppose I don’t have a leg either, as most of the 70s photos where yours truly was captured in his natural habitat would stun the masses with my fashion indiscretions. And I just received a letter from the Humane Society advising that I really shouldn’t be using my vocal chords to maim beloved 70s songs, either. I have a lot of atonement to attend to… 😉


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