Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #513

The orphans at St. Buckworth’s Hostel for Cast-Aside Waifs knew they had a challenge ahead of them if they had any chance of retaining governmental funding during a Republican administration, so they did their best to appear charming and resourceful. Let’s listen in as they await the arrival of yet another Trump appointee who actually wants to destroy the department they now control…

Little Annie, lower left: “I do so wish they notice our clever outfits. It would be really sad if we sacrificed the curtains in the cafeteria for no reason.”

Little Sally, lower right: “I’ve been practicing my charisma for days and days and I just know I’m going to be a star, like Theda Bara or Bela Lugosi.”

Little Hilly, middle right: “Oh, please. Have you guys not figured out that the Republicans only care about us while we’re still in the womb? Once the doctor slaps us on the ass and we are breathing actual air, they couldn’t give less of a damn. Trump is a basket of aberrations.”

Little Ruth-Bader Ginsburg, middle center: “Now, Hilly, let’s be fair. 62 million people opted for that basket of whackjob. Of course, this is less than the 65 million votes the other candidate got, proving once again that the jacked-up concept of the Electoral College is a disgrace and Trump did not win the popular vote. I’d say more, but apparently I’m not allowed to have a personal opinion even though issuing opinions is my freakin’ job.”

Little Clueless, upper left: “I’m kind of in the dark, here. I know that politics are supposed to be important, but I’d much rather spend my time trying to validate myself on Facebook instead of actually voting.”

Little Joan Jett, upper right: “I hear ya, girl. I just want to play music and hide my sexuality from everyone until several decades after the peak of my popularity.”

Little Wynona, middle left: “We don’t even have breasts yet. How do any of us know whether or not we need to hide our sexuality?”

Little Martha Quinn, lower middle: “All I know is that, from this angle, I’m seeing far more cooter than a girl my age should have to see.”

Little Annie, previously located: “I just want them to serve Jello in the curtain-less cafeteria. Flavored gelatin gives me hope.”

Frazzled Headmistress, rushing in at the last moment: “Okay, girls, the Trump team has arrived and they are dousing themselves with sanitizer in our lobby, what with this being the poor part of town and all. Remember what we practiced. Toss aside your morality and pretend to support something you really don’t. This is just what we have to do when we hope to keep our funding and a shithole is in the White House. Everybody smile!”

 

Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 04/14/17. Slight revisions made and a new ending added, wherein I used an expletive not normally found here at Bonnywood. (Not that profanity bothers me in any way, far from it.) I did hesitate at the use, but Trump certainly didn’t, and his ease of usage is yet another outrage in a constant stream, seconded in this case by certain Republican Congressmen who tossed aside their morality and pretended that Trump didn’t say it, when we all know that he did. You say you want a revolution, well, you know, it’s coming this November. And I’ll bring all the hope-flavored gelatin to the voting booths that I can carry. Peace.

 

29 replies »

    • Oh, it’s definitely Buckworth’s. Right across the street from Butterwheat’s House of Shady Meats, on Riverview Drive. Surely you’ve been there, as everybody who’s anybody goes to Butterwheat’s for the best guacamole burger in town. Of course, no one knows why the street is named Riverview, since there’s not a river to be found for miles around, making the concept pointless. Just like my comment…

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  1. “…shitHOLE” in the White House?” No. “shitHEAD in the White House.” Yep. We’s doomed. Despite cute little waifs doing gymnastic stunts that are hazardous to their longevity. Still, if I were a waif, I wouldn’t want to live in the “Trump Years” anyway…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Well, I was only repeating the same word the he apparently used which, now that I think about it, is not something I should admit with any degree of pride. But whatever you want to call him (and I really don’t think there’s a strong enough word in the English language) it’s going to take a long, long time to sterilize that Oval Office…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Yeah, most days i think Trump isn’t really even human. He’s some kind of evil alien bent on destroying us. I grit my teeth a lot, but i don’t smile nearly enough anymore. I keep hoping Mueller’s investigation will find something and it will stick, but i’m having doubts…

    Liked by 2 people

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