Edward VIII, abdicator and fool for love, left: “Do either of you know why we were invited to pose in this ridiculous manner, as if we’re part of a synchronized swimming team off the coast of Atlantic City, circa 1905?”
Billy Crudup, once-promising movie star who flared for a bit and then was apparently shoved to the side because his last name was a bit of an obstacle, middle: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear what you said because of your ears. They seem to be affecting the soundwaves on this stage.”
Edward: “Really? Did you not notice the fifth moon of Saturn orbiting you own head? That’s a seriously black kettle.”
Billy: “Perhaps you don’t understand the rules of sarcasm. If I say it first, you can’t come back at me with the same theme. Besides, the guy on the other side of me also has a hovercraft as a left ear.”
Edward: “Duly noted. Let’s focus on why you are unable to stand on your own feet like a real man. Should I mention low testosterone? I understand you Americans often suffer from such.”
Billy: “And I understand that you British lost all relevance once the inhabitants of the lands you conquered decided they didn’t care for that conquering angle at all. How’s that working out for you now?”
Edward: “I have no idea how it’s working out. Did you not catch the part about my abdication? I don’t care what England does as long as they leave me alone and I can get Chinese food delivered whenever I want.”
Billy: “That’s an absurd thing to say, considering the royal family did not leave you alone and still sends monthly checks.”
Al Gore, yet another Democrat that would have been president if things were actually based on a popular vote, right: “Speaking of absurd things, did you hear that I supposedly invented the Internet?”
Edward: “So you’re responsible for all that insipid porn?”
Al: “Well, not personally. If I had an award-worthy endowment, do you really think I would spend my time fighting climate change?”
Billy: “Fair enough. But those wretched online dating sites where desperate people make desperate decisions. Are your fingerprints on that?”
Al: “Okay, let me break it down for you. There are a lot of stupid people in the world. It doesn’t matter who invented what, you cannot stop the deluge of stupid. You can poke your finger in the dike and hope for the best, but until people pull their heads out, it’s an inconvenient struggle.”
Edward: “So you did invent the porn sites. Because I think I’ve seen that very movie.”
Al: “No! Well, not that I recall. In fact, I’m really not sure where we’re going with any of this.”
Six eyes turned toward the writer of this piece. Along with four monumental ears.
Writer, not pictured: “Don’t judge me. It’s been a week since I posted on this blog and I had to get something out there.”
Edward: “Oh, I completely understand. If you don’t keep it fresh those fickle readers will run like the wind and never look back.”
Billy: “Been there, got the t-shirt.”
Al: “Say, did you know I invented blogging?”
Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 04/21/17. No changes made. Fair disclaimer: This post was not meant to diminish the value of folks with generous ears. I have them myself, but most people don’t notice them because they are transfixed by my even bigger nose. You could colonize that thing…
Categories: Past Imperfect
This delightful picture of rampant masculinity has given my morning an unexpected perk. But I can’t for the life of me work out what Billy is sitting on. Is a rock? A pile of folded clothes? It shall puzzle me all day.
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Yeah, it’s someone’s laundry.
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I stared at that “sitting thing” for hours whilst composing the post. I still don’t know what the hell it is, and I can only feebly offer that morphine was still available over-the-counter when this snap was composed…
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That is as reasonable explanation as any 🙂
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The hemline says it all – obviously leftie is a prude and rightie an exhibitionist. The guy in the middle just can’t decide what he want’s to be.
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This is a perfect summation of society in general. If only the people in the middle could figure out what they really want out of life…
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Yeah, us middlies want a buck each way without all the fuss of commitment 🙂
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I love this picture because it looks like he is sitting on a giant piece of caramel. Where do you even find these photos? LOL
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Trust, I spend WAY too much time on the Internet seeking out the obscure and ill-defined… 😉
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lol A delightful read. I like Billy
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Billy’s a whippersnapper, he is…
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Yeah
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thanks for the chuckle! Love the pic!
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Isn’t that photo a treat? Society is endlessly fascinating….
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indeed!
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This explains a lot. And I think we’ve discussed the faux ‘rock’ that middle dude is sitting on, in some other post because that sort of thing sticks to one’s mind…Glad to see you’re feeling perhaps a wee bit better!
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Yep, we’ve talked about the rock before, probably when this was originally posted on Crusty Pie. I still don’t know what the hell that thing is all about. Then again, I still don’t understand why someone hasn’t sued the state of Oklahoma for incompetence…
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Ah, for the days when men’s fashions really made a statement…. Would the dialogue have been different if they were in Speedos?
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Oh, of course the dialogue would have veered a bit if Speedos were an ingredient. The sarcasm would still be there, but I wouldn’t be talking about the size of ears… 😉
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I’m pretty sure having big ears and nose are signs of advanced evolution. Yep.
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Then I would be the most advanced man on the planet…
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What’s that thing the middle guy is sitting on?? Looks like a pile of construction leftovers. What that has to do with swimming and vertical stripes I don’t know.
Hope you’re starting to feel better. 🙂
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Correction – horizontal stripes. I still have brain fuzz from the flu. At least, that’s my excuse.
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Oh, I suspect that my brain fuzz will last until at least March. (It won’t, but I need something to fall back on when I inevitably do something inane on this blog. Historical incompetence is one of my hallmarks.)
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Obviously you are better, how else could you write such indepth dialogue for a rather strange photo?
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Well, to be fair, this is a re-post from my Crusty Pie blog. But yes, feeling much better…
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I’m still trying to figure out who thought that style of swimsuit was the remotest bit attractive. The ears they were born with lol, that swimwear was a choice… Lol
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Exactly! Choice is what defines us, and so many people fail to hit that benchmark…
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Yeah. Those suits are way off the mark. But nowhere near as far off the mark as some made in their choice to vote for Trump. Their awful choice certainly defines them. Sorry – off the subject, but can’t help myself. What is the state of our union, after all?
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Gunfight at the O.K. Beach Corral. 😉
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If I write the script, will you direct it? 😉
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