Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #511

Anna May: “I’m sorry, I was momentarily distracted by my own perkiness and I didn’t quite catch what you were saying. Could you repeat it, please?”

Police Officer: “I said that you seem awfully chipper considering we just found the famous movie producer, Irving Hindenburg, floating in the pool behind you.”

Anna May: “You did? Oh. Well, I don’t recall inviting him over so I hope you arrested him for trespassing.”

Office: “We couldn’t quite do that, Miss Wong. Because he’s dead. And I was trying to see what you knew about how he became that way.”

Anna May: “That’s terrible! Now I’ll have to have the entire pool drained and scrubbed. Do you have any idea how much that costs in today’s economy?”

Officer: “I’m thinking the focus should be more on the fact that Irving is dead and not the possible impacts to your household budget.”

Anna May: “This smells a bit like harassment. Should I be calling a lawyer? I have several on standby. Sadly, none of them know how to get the producer smell out of a pool.”

Officer: “You might need one of those lawyers here in a bit. It depends on how you answer my next few questions. Tell me about your relationship with the deceased.”

Anna May: “There isn’t one to tell about. I have no idea who this Imogene Salzburg person is or why he found it imperative to bite it in my personal waters.”

Officer: “The name is Irving Hindenburg. And he was the producer on your last three films, It Happened One Afternoon, Birth of a Libation, and A Streetcar Named Libido.”

Anna May: “Oh, that Irving Hindenburg. You should have been more forthcoming. One runs across so many Hindenburgs in the movie business. Still, I barely know him.”

Officer: “Even though you just sued him for breach of contract concerning the profits from your Libido?”

Anna May: “I didn’t sue him. My lawyers did. Maybe you should ask one of them why they stabbed Imogene and shoved him in my previously-pristine pool where I once used to swim laps without worrying about rude people asking too many questions.”

Officer: “I never said that Irving was stabbed. But I will say that we also found arsenic in the California rolls on the sushi platter you have set out on your lanai. Just who did you intend to eat that?”

Anna May: “Nobody I know. California rolls are the Prius of the sushi world. Nobody with any real respect for the art wants anything to do with that mess.”

Officer: “Yet you served these bastard rolls anyway. Do you really not understand how things are not looking good for you right at the moment?”

Anna May: “I understand that me and my coordinated outfit are getting a little tired of you making baseless accusations and hinting that someone of my professional standards would need a backup plan in case the stabbing angle didn’t work out.”

Officer: “I see. Okay, could you extend your coordinated arms so I can place handcuffs on them? Because your Prius battery just died and I’m your new charging station.”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 04/12/17. Slight changes made. Fair disclosure: No offense intended towards the Prius owners of the world. Anna May does not know how to play well with others, a missing quality she will greatly rue when she gets to The Big House and discovers she no longer has a private staff or a private toilet…


23 replies »

  1. I remember this one, because I remember hankering for her shoes. Still haven’t found them.
    Are you sure the producer wasn’t guilty of something else? A jury will never convict her. He had it coming.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah, yes, I do recall your hankering for the footwear. I can’t believe you still haven’t tracked them down, as I naturally assumed that you would be wearing them the next morning, pattering about the office whilst furry woodland creatures trailed you in adoration… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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