Humor

25 Redneck Valentine Greeting Card Sayings

“I love you more than beer.”

“You complete my bobble-head collection.”

“You tractor-pulled my heart.”

“Your eyes sparkle like moonshine.”

“You are the prettiest girl in the Wal-Marts parking lot.”

“I love you like a sister. Oh wait…”

“Love means never havin’ to say which one of them kids is really mine.”

“The day we got married was the best day I ever had with a shotgun in my back.”

“You had me at hello, I’m here to slop the hogs.”

“You sure look nice sittin’ next to my gun rack.”

“I can’t really read this but the pictures are shiny.”

“I would love you even if I couldn’t use your teeth to open my beer bottles.”

“Momma says we oughta get married cuz then you won’t have to change the last name on your gun permit.”

“If they had your picture on the menu at the Dairy Queen, I’d order you every day.”

“I came here tonight cuz when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you better check for ticks.”

“Don’t forget I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to stop knockin’ her up every 20 minutes.”

“I don’t know how to quit you from running after the mail truck, but you sure can make a fine cherry pie.”

“You’re the only woman in the world that doesn’t have a restraining order on me.”

“If you can’t be with the one you love, it’s probably because one of us is in jail.”

“I love the way you hold my spittoon.”

“Our love will never be broken. Unless somebody raids the meth lab. Then I ain’t never heard of you.”

“Darlin’, you are more important to me than most of my trucks.”

“Roses are red, violets are blue, banjos played at our wedding, and lots of cows did moo.”

“Every time I walk in the barn I think of our first night together.”

“I would finish the fourth grade for you.”

 

Previously published in “The Sound and the Fury” on 02/10/12 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 02/14/14 and 02/14/17. No changes made from the last version, although by now this thing looks nothing like the original post. This is what happens when I can’t leave things alone and call it good. Wait, did I just write #26?

 

46 replies »

  1. We met at the prayer meetin’
    Revival and hoe down too
    Yer pigtails excited me
    And that gap tooth smile – woo.

    The preacher done introduced us
    I couldn’t believe my luck
    Who cares if you’re my cuzin
    Because you sure know how to …

    Going to leave it there and people can rhyme in any suitable word at the end there… Happy Hearts and Flowers Day dear…<3

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Progressive Redneck Valentine Greeting Card ; Yer pretty’er than when GrandPa when he was a girl.

    This series was discontinued after the big fire & the hangin’..

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So romantic and sweet! Lol. I absolutely cannot pick a favorite. Snort. I can just hear all these in my mind’s ear, and i can hear someone saying them all with a piece of straw garbling his or her speech. Then, i also picture a dearth of teeth…

    Liked by 1 person

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