“I love you more than beer.”
“You complete my bobble-head collection.”
“You tractor-pulled my heart.”
“Your eyes sparkle like moonshine.”
“You are the prettiest girl in the Wal-Marts parking lot.”
“I love you like a sister. Oh wait…”
“Love means never havin’ to say which one of them kids is really mine.”
“The day we got married was the best day I ever had with a shotgun in my back.”
“You had me at hello, I’m here to slop the hogs.”
“You sure look nice sittin’ next to my gun rack.”
“I can’t really read this but the pictures are shiny.”
“I would love you even if I couldn’t use your teeth to open my beer bottles.”
“Momma says we oughta get married cuz then you won’t have to change the last name on your gun permit.”
“If they had your picture on the menu at the Dairy Queen, I’d order you every day.”
“I came here tonight cuz when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you better check for ticks.”
“Don’t forget I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to stop knockin’ her up every 20 minutes.”
“I don’t know how to quit you from running after the mail truck, but you sure can make a fine cherry pie.”
“You’re the only woman in the world that doesn’t have a restraining order on me.”
“If you can’t be with the one you love, it’s probably because one of us is in jail.”
“I love the way you hold my spittoon.”
“Our love will never be broken. Unless somebody raids the meth lab. Then I ain’t never heard of you.”
“Darlin’, you are more important to me than most of my trucks.”
“Roses are red, violets are blue, banjos played at our wedding, and lots of cows did moo.”
“Every time I walk in the barn I think of our first night together.”
“I would finish the fourth grade for you.”
Previously published in “The Sound and the Fury” on 02/10/12 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 02/14/14 and 02/14/17. No changes made from the last version, although by now this thing looks nothing like the original post. This is what happens when I can’t leave things alone and call it good. Wait, did I just write #26?
Categories: Humor
These are so beautiful… there are tears in my eyes… 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Poignant poetry, yes?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love you like a sister….lol!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love moves in mysterious ways… 😉
LikeLike
You should be working for Hallmark 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh. I thought I was. My bad… 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
hysterical, – where can I buy your cards then? Have you got any that capture the pathos of not getting a Valentine because you are old, and grey and fat and widowed? 🙂 🙂 – Nah, never mind, I think I can manage without a card that means that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! These are gold! I think I just broke a rib from laughing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Please don’t sue for damages. I don’t think I have enough medical coverage… 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll let you off then. My ribs are demanding a laughter health warning is attached to all future posts though. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Real true love😂😂😂🐄🐄🐄🐄
LikeLiked by 2 people
A romance for the ages… 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, this is oozing with sentiments like a jelly donut
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly. You never know what’s going to squirt out of where…
LikeLiked by 1 person
We met at the prayer meetin’
Revival and hoe down too
Yer pigtails excited me
And that gap tooth smile – woo.
The preacher done introduced us
I couldn’t believe my luck
Who cares if you’re my cuzin
Because you sure know how to …
Going to leave it there and people can rhyme in any suitable word at the end there… Happy Hearts and Flowers Day dear…<3
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such beautiful verse! I sense some Ralph Waldo Emerson in there. Or at least the man from Nantucket… 😉
LikeLike
Oh, forgot my own ending…. Because you shore know how to drive a truck! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Uh huh. I’m sure that’s the exact ending you envisioned… 😉
LikeLike
Oh, Brian. You know how to get a girl nostalgic. My first husband told me I had “breeder hips”. This is one of several reasons there was a second husband.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That first one sounds like a real charmer. How could you possibly let such a catch go?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice use of bobbleheads!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I specialize in such… 😉
LikeLike
‘nother true romantical
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s like Shakespeare! With an outhouse…
LikeLiked by 1 person
“And I might even start the 5th grade after I finish the 4th!” (Thay was my unsolicited addition) 😂🤣😂 you’re brilliant. I laughed all the way through.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It all started one day when I fell in love with a cricker…
LikeLike
Loved it before, love it even more today.
Latching on to Claudette’s comment above, I can see your “roses are red” line making a particularly nice greeting card. You should get on that. ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have my staff doing a bit of networking as we speak…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Progressive Redneck Valentine Greeting Card ; Yer pretty’er than when GrandPa when he was a girl.
This series was discontinued after the big fire & the hangin’..
LikeLiked by 1 person
But still, the embers from the fire burned, emboldening the disenfranchised. Eventually there would be an uprising…
LikeLiked by 1 person
The Victorians used to send ‘Vinegar’ cards to those they didn’t like. There’s an interesting post on Brighton Museum’s website:
https://brightonmuseums.org.uk/discover/2014/09/08/love-letters-and-hate-mail-victorian-vinegar-valentines/
I’m sure glad that practice has died out!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And yet a small part of me yearns to revive such a practice. That’s the part of me which requires therapy… 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Remind me to stay on your right side!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So romantic and sweet! Lol. I absolutely cannot pick a favorite. Snort. I can just hear all these in my mind’s ear, and i can hear someone saying them all with a piece of straw garbling his or her speech. Then, i also picture a dearth of teeth…
LikeLiked by 1 person
And mooing. There must be mooing in the background… 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Of course. Lots of loud mooing. And clucking. Don’t forget the clucking.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel like we’re attacking my roots here 🧐
LikeLiked by 1 person
If I keep at it, my entire family tree will topple…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha 🤗
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awesome
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
“I would finish the fourth grade for you.” And they say romance is dead.
My fave is: “You complete my bobble-head collection.” I nearly did a snort-laugh! (How embarrassing.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m rather partial to that bobble-head one as well. And there’s nothing wrong with snort-laughing. It cleanses the spirit. Or clears the room. I forget which… 😉
LikeLike
These are all utterly awesome 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perhaps I should branch out and open up a chain of Bonnymark Card Stores. Or maybe not… 😉
LikeLike