Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #362

Theresa: “Okay, I finally finished up on this homemade valentine that you insisted I make for your husband and… are you even listening to me?”

Marlene: “Of course I’m listening to you, darling, I’m just not looking at you.”

Theresa: “You don’t think that’s rude? I spent all day working on this thing and I burned my ass twice with that dang glue gun. Why can’t you even look at me?”

Marlene: “Well, I initially turned away because I didn’t want to lose an eye to that exuberant headgear you’re wearing. And now I can’t turn back because I just spotted my husband doing something unworthy of a valentine.”

Theresa: “He’s always doing something unworthy. What is it this time?”

Marlene: “He’s on the back patio with the gardener.”

Theresa: “That doesn’t seem to so bad. There are some bushes around this house that could use a trim.”

Marlene: “They’re both naked.”

Theresa: “Oh. Well, that happens all the time. Wait. I thought you knew that your husband only married you for your money.”

Marlene: “It hadn’t actually crossed my mind. But it certainly has now. I guess I won’t be needing that valentine anymore. So sorry you went to all the trouble.”

Theresa: “Fine. I’ll go throw it in the trash, along with my hopes and dreams. And I’m sorry you didn’t know that Hugo played for the other team. I actually feel a little bit bad about hating you for being so bitter and mean all the time.”

Marlene: “I suppose I have been a bit surly. But surely you understand that it’s been rather unsatisfying waiting five years to consummate my wedding day.”

Theresa: “Hold up, girl. Five years? And it didn’t cross your mind?”

Marlene: “I just thought he was a slow learner.”

Theresa: “Honey, that’s just sad in all kinds of ways. Now I really feel bad. Maybe you shouldn’t eat those bonbons I made this afternoon.”

Marlene: “But I need some comfort food. This is a very trying time.”

Theresa: “Yeah, well, I put Ex-Lax in them after the second time I burned my ass with the glue gun.”


Previously published in “Crusty Pie” on 03/02/16 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 06/14/16. No changes made. And I promise that I am officially moving on from the Valentine’s Day references, having milked that angle as long as I can, at least for now. Onward and upward tomorrow…


16 replies »

  1. I’ve known no less than four women who married men who were playing for the other team. Two I met after their divorces, but one I knew while they were still married, and one… well, to own the truth, I attended their wedding.
    And the whole time I sat there I thought to myself, “Am I wrong? He seems so… but surely she’d know? And why would he…?” It was terribly confusing, but it was also the mid-80s. The mid-80s were confusing for a lot of people.
    Thankfully, all the people in these four couplings were uncoupled and eventually found themselves in the right coupling. And everyone was much less confused as a result.

    Liked by 1 person

    • To be fair, until the last few decades, many gay folks got married under extreme pressure to do so because of societal expectations, threats of the family disowning them and, prior to any protective legislation, the very real possibility that they could be fired or even harmed if “word got out”. I can see how some folks did the wrong thing for the wrong reasons. What I don’t get is when one of the partners in these “marriages of convenience” did not figure out the score for decades and they are stunned at the eventual revelation. How can you be married for twenty or thirty years and not realize that something is amiss? Still and all, it’s nice that we finally seem to be living in a time when most decent folks realize that love is fluid…

      Liked by 1 person

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