Maria: “I just have one prayer, oh Mighty Isis. Could you please send me a publicist who knows how to focus a camera? Okay, maybe two prayers. It would be nice if the costume designer on this gig didn’t feel compelled to disguise the fact that I have breasts. Alright, there’s a third one as well. I’d like a salary increase that would allow me to purchase a bottle of decent hair conditioner that is composed of something other than ass grease and a prayer. Oh, and orgasms. I’d like to have an orgasm that will make my eyes roll back in my head, not one that makes me think I just had some tainted Thai food.”
Mighty Isis, rousing herself from a millennial slumber: “Okay, hold up. Who the hell are you and why are you babbling about pointless dissatisfactions?”
Maria: “Oh. Well, I’m just one of your Twitter fans hoping you will love me back with a courtesy follow.”
Isis: “I see. You must be one of those Americans who only have a life because of social media. Here’s a tip. Get out of that country for a while and see how the rest of the world lives.”
Maria: “But what about the travel ban?”
Isis: “Have you ever noticed how travel ban and Taliban sound a lot alike?”
Maria: “I’d never really thought of it that way. You are such a wise and insightful supreme deity.”
Isis: “Oh, please. It doesn’t take a Supreme to figure out that the crap-fest state of American politics is the result of uninformed idiots voting without any regard for reality. Stop, in the name of sanity. Before the country breaks apart.”
Maria: “You have enlightened me.”
Isis: “I doubt that, or you wouldn’t have been praying to me in the first place. Now, I’m about to hit my snooze bar and see how things are going in the next century. Any last requests?”
Maria: “Um… the satisfying orgasms?”
Isis: “Oh, girl, I can’t help you with that. You just need to quit making poor decisions when handing out security clearances to your Pentagon.”
Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 07/03/17. Slight changes made. And by the way, I did contemplate excising the “ass grease” phrase due to potential offensiveness, but in the end (ahem) I still find it rather fetching, and somebody out there is going to appreciate it. I did it for you….
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
I’ll settle for some tainted Thai food.
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Follow your dream! 😉
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😀
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I’m fairly sure that one of the niche beauticians in this city will embrace the Ass Grease conditioner with aplomb …. I’ll copy you into the copyright I’m about to take out as a precaution 😉
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You’re always looking out for me. Thank you.
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Yeah, focus is a problem, but I think Osyth is on the case.
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She’s a trooper, she is…
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Fun trying to find the song reference! I got it! 🙂
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Hurray! (And I knew you would…)
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Blow out one of those candles and seek your Pentagon security.
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LOL! Perfect.
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Pardon moi, but isn’t that JOAN somebody or other up there? And yes I did read your thoughtfully provided Cliff note at the bottom, but am still mystified by Maria. Um, Maria WHO??.. Although I did get the song reference…
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Um, no, it’s not a Joan. It’s a Brigitte Helm and the movie is “Metropolis” (both of these are referenced in the tags). Her character name in this dire teleplay about poor choices and drama is named “Maria”. And there you have it…
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Is she having a satisfying orgasm in the picture as her eye are well rolled back?
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Yes, but it’s still the Thai-food level of personal achievement. She wants the upgrade… 😉
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👍🏻one step at the tome😉
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My thought exactly @ortensia
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And here I thought you would chime in with Margo/That Little Voice… 😉
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I like to keep you guessing 🙂
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I got the song reference too, I’d like that noted, but what chills me is how you found the female counterpart of Rasputin. Have you reported this to the proper authorities?
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Actually, they contacted me. And that’s really all I can say right now. We never spoke about this, capisce?
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Re the orange-tinted egoist’s Taliban travel ban (great turn of phrase btw) – he too will pass. 🙂
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Like a kidney stone. Painful all the way, but eventually it’s out…
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I’ll never see Thai food in the same way again. I immediately thought of THAT scene in When Harry Met Sally. I know Meg Rtan’s orgasm was fake, but she definitely wasn’t having tainted Thai food. I wonder what the diner sitting close to her thought she was having? 😀
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It’s been a while since I’ve seen the movie, but the nearby diner who says “I’ll have what she’s having” is one of my favorite lines… 😉
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It’s my favorite line too. And i apologize for that comment. It really had nothing to do with your post, which i did enjoy, btw. Weird stuff pops into my mind these days for no apparent reason…
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Oh, I didn’t think there was anything off with your comment, so no need to apologize. I just thought you were letting the muse take you, and I LIKE the things that pop into your head, especially when you share them… 😉
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Ah, the eternal search for orgasms and hair conditioner and who says the American Dream is dead?
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Not me. I’ve always got my eye out for a good orgasm conditioner…
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Rare as hen’s teeth but worth the search!
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