Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #555

Betty was a bit concerned.

She could hear the folks outside her dressing room, babbling about the thing that someone had done to the actress in the other dressing room. Betty was fully aware of the thing, because she had done it. But she thought she had done it with a rather admirable degree of slyness and skill, diverting suspicion whilst simultaneously establishing a concrete alibi that her fans would completely believe even though it was completely not true. She listened more closely, assessing the exit poll.

Gertie: “And the thing exploded almost immediately.”

Lottie: “Even though the thing had never exploded before?”

Gertie: “That’s the kicker. Countless people have done the very same thing in the past, but there were never any explosions.”

Lottie: “It just seems so odd, doesn’t it? How is it that doing this thing never mattered to anyone in the past but doing it now would lead to an explosion?”

Gertie: “It’s almost as if somebody decided to make something out of nothing and now everybody is offended by the nothing that didn’t bother them before.”

Lottie: “Well, I suppose it’s just one of those things. Someone’s promising career is suddenly in jeopardy because someone else doesn’t play fair and causes an explosion that doesn’t have any actual gunpowder behind it.”

Gertie: “This sounds so much like the current state of American politics.”

Lottie: “Right? It’s pathetic. Anyway, have any idea who might have done it?”

Gertie: “Well, some of the chorus boys are saying that it must be Betty. But surely Betty wouldn’t do it. She just wants to make America dance again.”

Lottie: “And what do the chorus boys know? They’re just mad because they didn’t get elected to star in the show.”

Gertie: “Exactly. Sour grapes. Speaking of, what are you doing for lunch? Should we go to Kim Jong Un’s for sushi?”

Lottie: “Sounds splendid! I’ll drive.”

Betty smiled complacently. The carefully-plotted, nefarious pieces were falling into place. She hoisted her cup of Benghazi Tea and took another sip…


Originally posted in “Crusty Pie” on 10/19/17. No changes made, as fake patriots are still setting off fake explosions to cover the fact that their fake emperor has no clothes. Unless you count a diaper. On a lighter note, I realize that this post should be a “Sunday in the Park” installment, if I want to stay regular with such things, and I really am trying to do so, but we went to Ikea today. And you know how that goes. We walked for hours through the endless maze of clever things that you don’t really need and suddenly it was very late and there was no time to compose a fresh “Sunday” and, yeah, I’m pulling from the archives tonight. Maybe tomorrow?


15 replies »

    • This comment reminds me of another childhood incident wherein half of my family was nearly wiped out during a pickle-canning experiment conducted by my mother whilst we younguns gathered round. She had never done such before, and the resulting impact-dent in the ceiling served as a reminder of her experience for years after that. We bought our pickles in the store after that…

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I want’ Betty’s body, not biblically you understand, I just want to have those unfeasibly slender gazelle thighs and just enough bust to fill but not overspill a spangly halter neck. By the way, we went to Ikea on Saturday. I didn’t buy anything, you understand but I wanted to get some new ideas for impenetrable passwords following a catastrophic bag loss which included two MacBook Pros on Thursday …. I’m thinking ‘Avsiktlig’ might be a good start point – what say you? 🇸🇪

    Liked by 3 people

    • I see I’m not the only one admiring Betty’s perfect-but-not-overly-perfect body and, given the not ideal camera angle, our admiration is warranted.
      What I want to know is where can I find that style swimsuit? I really really want one, I’m thinking in navy blue. What do you think? (I’m fairly certain I asked this of Brian in the previous post. He was no help.)

      Liked by 2 people

    • Osyth: What a great place to search for password ideas! The one overriding sensation I always have when leaving an Ikea is that it would be great to learn Swedish. After all, if one can master such an interesting array of consonants and vowels, then surely one’s life has value.

      CJ: I must admit that Betty is a bit too waif-like for me. I’m sure she was a lovely person and all, but I much prefer curvy over linear. Please don’t judge. But now that I’ve mentioned judgement…

      Both of you: What’s with this tag team deriding of my couture-finding abilities? I’m wracked with guilt and despair and… oh, look, there’s still another beer in the fridge. I’m good.

      Liked by 2 people

    • All roads lead to Rome! I know, it doesn’t make sense, but it’s getting late and I’m tired and it’s really hard to come up with a creative response at this point… 😉


  2. In the bubble above Stormy Daniels’s head as she searches the southern regions of a certain fake political something – Oh my! They’re clip-ons! … How do these work? Ha! There’s a little blow up pump hidden under … Ick … I’m just going to close my eyes and try to forget … 😨

    I don’t know about S Daniels, but every now and then, the image of one of Trump’s hair flaps blowing up and down in the wind as he gets on a plane pops into my head as I force myself to pay attention to what that man-child is upside down to again. Yeech. There’s so much about that guy that’s just so creepy and gross and yup, fake. I can’t use the word “leader” and his name in the same sentence.

    Liked by 2 people

    • LOL on the precision imagery. Yet at the same time, blech! I just don’t see how any decent person would want to do ANYTHING with that man, never mind even consider bumping uglies. And I never use the word “leader” (at least not in a positive manner) when discussing Trump. Nor do I ever put the word “president” in front of his name. He doesn’t deserve it…

      Liked by 1 person

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